Funny Jokes

this discussion is for jokes. lol

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by anne potter on December 13, 2008 at 6:09pm

advanced age visited her physician to
> seek his help in reviving her husband's libido.
>
> 'What about trying Viagra? Asks the doctor.
>
> 'Not a chance,' she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
>
> 'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an Irish Soluble Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'
>
> It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid. Just terrible doctor!.'
>
> 'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor?'
>
> 'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulgin' fiercely!
>
> With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flyin', ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the table-top! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute feckin' nightmare!'
>
> 'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good'?
>
> 'Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 50 years of marriage! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll niver be able to show me face in Starbucks again.' .. ..

Permalink Reply by anne potter on December 16, 2008 at 12:56am

WINTER BLONDE

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Pennsylvania and I'm driving the
SALT TRUCK!"

Permalink Reply by anne potter on December 16, 2008 at 9:06pm

THE JOB - URINE TEST

(Whoever wrote this one deserves a HUGE pat on the back!)

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ass doing drugs, while I work. . . . Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't. Hope you all will pass it along, though. . Some thing has to change in this country -- and soon!!!!!!!

I guess we could title that program, 'Urine or You're Out'.

Permalink Reply by BillySFCVFD on December 20, 2008 at 8:03pm

My first time.

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn’t know how
But I tried my best
To place my hand
On her breasts
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread

Her legs apart
And when she did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it’s finished
It’s all over now
My first time
Milking a COW!

Permalink Reply by anne potter on January 17, 2009 at 5:29pm

If you don't laugh at this one, you're not breathing.

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he
noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little
ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being
pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a
nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.

The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar
and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how
to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren.'

Permalink Reply by Karen Glastetter on January 25, 2009 at 12:25am