Dont get me wrong, I am not crapping on volunteers. I still volunteer in the small town I live in. However, as sad as it is to admit, in Alabama there are NO requirements for being a volunteer firefighter. In a perfect world, you would be right about people joining just to help and I used to want to believe that but it is just not true. I have taught several firefighter classes to volunteer depts in the past and have yet to teach one where at least one person did not drop out because they found out it was against state law to have a red light on the dash of their POV. I, like you, have more respect for someone who will do this job for free, but I wish our state would put some requirements on being a volunteer.
* You have ever been dispatched to a working “cow” fire
* You ever put out a cow chip fire
* Your PASS alarm goes “Yeee Haw”
* You dispatch center ever said “Y’all can’t miss it”
* You used your rescue air bags as furniture at the fire station
* You refill your air bottles at the local gas station “Free Air” hose
* Your department has a Rescue Bubba and a Rescue Cow for training
* You only wash down the floor in the station to “keep the dust down”
* Your radio call signal is “Wheee doggies”
* You have to mark the department out of service two weeks during deer season and every Sunday during the Winston Cup Race
* You bought a computer so you could get NASCAR Online on the Internet
* You count reading fire magazines in the bathroom as training hours
* Your last four fire department raffles were for a shotgun…and a member won it each time.
* You borrowed the department’s quick dump tank so you could have a neighborhood pool party
* Your safety officer is the person who broke his arm at the last house fire
* Your rehab consists of a cold beer and a pack of “nabs”
* Your last serious fire was your fire department BBQ
* You used your “good” fire house as a bumper on your boat dock
* You have a shotgun rack in the back of your fire truck….and got two bucks on your last call
* Your Hurst tool is on loan to the local body shop
* You use a hanging noose knot for all your rescue operations because it’s real adjustable
* You don’t allow a person to join the department unless they own a pickup
* You wore a hole in your fire boots….while wearing them at your full time job
* You keep 2 packs of “Red Man” in your turnout gear for “emergencies”
* Your departments brush truck doubles as your hunting truck
* You voted against the last person for chief because he was a Jeff Gordon fan
* You painted your new rescue truck to look like Earnhardt’s race car
* You borrowed the fire truck to use the spotlights for deer hunting
* The directions to your last house fire was “Go down past the last house you burnt up”….and you know exactly which house they are talking about
* You ever went diving in a swimming pool with your SCBA equipment…..just to see how it would work
* You must take the battery out of your tractor to put in the fire truck before you go on calls
* Your preacher borrows your PASS alarms each Sunday for church to keep the congregation awake
* You consider “2 in and 2 out” to be two guys in the cab and two on the tailboard of the truck
* The last girl you kissed was named Rescue-Annie and you enjoyed it so much you are thinking seriously about asking her out
* Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing while going to a scene
* Your firehouse has wheels
* You’ve ever got back and found you’ve locked yourself out of the firehouse
* Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire get’n drunk
* You’ve ever been toned out on an out house fire also if that out house fire was with entrapment
* You’ve ever let a person’s house burn down because they wouldn’t let you hunt their ground
* Your personal vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it
* You’ve ever walked through a Christmas display and walked away with at least 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck
* Your rescue truck can smoke the tires
* Your department’s name is misspelled on your equipment
* The nurses and doctors turn out the lights and hide when you show up at the hospital to get your equipment
* Dispatch can’t mention your name without laughing
* The local news crew won’t put your department on T.V. because you embarrassed them last time.
* You’ve ever locked the keys in your trucks
* You’ve ever referred to a light bar as sexy
* Your defibrillator consists of a marine battery, a pair of jumper cables, and a fish finder
* You’ve ever taken a girl out in a pumper
* Your pumper has been on fire more times than it’s been to a fire
* Your pumper smokes more than the house fire
* You’ve ever been arrested for indecent exposure at a house fire
* You’ve ever called it quits on a house fire when the beer got hot
* You’ve ever been late to a house fire because you had to stop and get the guy who fell off the truck
* You’ve ever stopped in route to pick up a road kill
* You hand out spit cans before each meeting
* You have a sign out front of your station that says will fight fires for beer
* Your equipment has chew stains down the sides of ‘em
* Everyone on your department is related in some way or another
* Your annual vacation plans depend on where the state EMS conference is held.
* You have as many ambulances in town as you do EMTs.
* You thought your first ambulance ” run ” would be a 5K.
* You think that the ABCs stand for ” Always Being on Call. ”
Hysterical - deer season, NASCAR, Red Man, locking self out of station, locking keys in truck,
Dispatched to "down past last house fire" - often
Personal vehicles with SEXY lightbars which lite up more than their personal houses - several
And what is with guys taking girls in pumpers - EVERY GIRL, EVERY NEW GIRLFRIEND - does it ever get old ???
** And you compelled me to share my road kill story...
We got called to 2 cars which hit deer one after another same 500' of road. We arrived on scene to find 7 deer in various stages of death layed out alongside the road. But each car had hit only 1 deer a piece.
15 minutes later, we got a call from the dispatcher saying the State police got a call from a tractor trailer driver who said he had taken out several of a deer a few minutes before our arrival, as a herd of deer came running around the woods-field-road-field-woods configuration . . . and several deer had jumped right into the side of the tractor trailer.
Of course, a few of my guys on scene happened to have a gun in their trucks to finish off the ones not yet finished dying. Most of the deer which hit the truck had broken neck injuries, but the deer bodies were still in good condition.
And then, 2 on my dept called the game warden and asked if they could TAKE the "good, fresh kills" home. . . and the game warden let them take 1 each. Gross...
But then again, the game warden takes many fresh deer kills to the local food bank to be salvaged to feed the hungry... in the circle of life.