Here is my warm and fuzzy Christmas List (same as last year, and the year before, and the year before ...):
1) I wish everyone would use extreme caution when doing holiday-type things (or common sense would be appreciated ... even a wee, little, bit would be nice)! People - you do NOT have to lose your minds during this brief period of time!
2) I wish people would not forget they are cooking something! Only acceptable excuse is dementia patients; beyond that? Nope! Well, okay, if your kitchen is furnished with an excellent, state-of-the-art, foam sprinkler system; go ahead! Your food may have an odd flavor to it, but hey, that turkey will sure as hell be crispy!
3) I wish people would not light candles or sterno, then wander away! Oh, and please, oh please, do not use those lovely paper or plastic decorations around the bases! For the love of God, you idiots, they are FLAMMABLE!
4) I wish people would leave turkey frying up to the professionals ... and, if they are not chefs or firefighters; they are not professionals! 
5) I wish people understood that while fires are very nice in fireplaces, despite what songs and poems say, they do not need to be roaring! If you want roaring, take it outside to a field and build a bonfire (following all proper fire safety protocol).
6) If the weather outside is frightful ... for God's sake, STAY THE HELL HOME!
Safety Officer Scrooge
PS: For those of you who do not know my sense of humor - this is all in FUN! Please take it as such. I love the holidays as much as anyone else, but by this time of year, am losing my marbles and looking for the funny in it all! Merry Christmas to you all - stay safe!

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The only thing I want for christmas is....FW and Heather in stockings...I mean in My stocking...UHHH I mean..So Confused...I thought deep frying a frozen turkey was the quickest way to thaw it for the oven...30 secs. POOF. :> (No offense intended ladies)
I am not sure you could handle me in your _____________

Be careful what you ask Santa for... you might just get it... and maybe you should ask for the safety training course first so you are better prepared for my arrival...

He's a BAT....I'm a Phoenix....Burn me up and I just transform and return.
At least he likes.... Cats??
Glad to see you returned...missed your banter today.
By the way...What's our SAFE word???
By the way...They're called Los Angles swim fins....Great for staying afloat. Why else would they always be in bikini's and at the poolside. :>
Phoenix, we do not DO safe words ... they are for novices; Heather and I are FAR from novices.
Okay, fine!! I should have said for probies! And no, Chief Sharp, we don't even do Safe-ish words! Try running a safe or safe-ish word by Heather B and see what you get ... but before you do, please let me know. I don't wish to be in the vicinity - it is not pretty!
LOL! you saying She's not pretty? Bro, your diging a deep hole..............
LOL :)
Oh, no, no, no, dear Chief!! Heather is my best bud; we did our leather training together! I just prefer to be in another area when she is doing her part of the training. When she really gets into swinging her whips around, things can get a little rough!
awh it's nice to be missed...
but the real question is - WHY were you aiming at me?

my dear sweet man... this is a one way street - enter at your own peril... and there is no exit... so buckle up... it's gonna be a bumpy ride...

Now THAT is what I am talking about! Feral is always a lovely way to describe my friend Heather. Next to her? I am simply a little kitty, "Puss in Boots" shall we say! :D

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