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FF Funerals
Tomorrow I will be attending the funeral of Elizabeth Fire Department Acting Captain Gary Stephens. This will be my second (unfortunately I doubt it will be my last) time attending a LODD funeral.
I was in a bit of a bad mood (about something unrelated) and was talking to my girlfriend and mentioned I would be attending the funeral. She asked me why, since funerals put me in a bad mood, I would go to another funeral that I didn't have to go. I know I need to go.
My question I suppose is how do I explain to someone outside of the fire service the brotherhood that we all share and why I would feel compelled to go to a funeral of a man I've never met?
I was in a bit of a bad mood (about something unrelated) and was talking to my girlfriend and mentioned I would be attending the funeral. She asked me why, since funerals put me in a bad mood, I would go to another funeral that I didn't have to go. I know I need to go.
My question I suppose is how do I explain to someone outside of the fire service the brotherhood that we all share and why I would feel compelled to go to a funeral of a man I've never met?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jenny Holderby on
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Many of us don't go to funerals we should go to. It is easy to come up with excuses. I don't think ANYBODY "likes" to go but we do to show respect. It is always a difficult time for everyone.
I have been to several, unfortunately as long as I have been in the fire service, it does happen. THANK GOODNESS none of them were actually Line Of Duty Deaths. They were all from natural causes but they were fire fighters.
You go to the funeral of someone you have never met because he was your brother. The one thing those of us in the fire service do well is show respect to the families of our own and to their home department.
My uncle was chief of our department for over 20 years. His funeral was attended by firefighters from more places than I can name. He was well known in the area and that respect was shown. It was comforting to our family to know that, particularly to my Aunt who had been a firefighter's wife for their entire marriage.
My sister had been a firefighter and was married to one of our members. When she passed in 2002 the funeral was amazing. It did HELP me & my family to know how much she and our family was respected and loved. Her unexpected death at age 28 was difficult to deal with and our friends and family in the fire service were caring and comforting to all of us.
My mother was not a firefighter. She was very involved in the auxiliary for many many years and the mother or mother in law of six members of Rome Volunteer fire department. Firefighters who had never even met her came to show their respect because she was a family member. WE ARE ALL FAMILY. I can definitely tell you from experience that your presence will be appreciated by those who loved Captain Stephens.
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Permalink Reply by John on
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I am sorry to hear about another LODD I never like hearing that. the only way that I know of to explain it to someone is to straight up tell them we are all family. Rest In Peace Brother Captain Gary Stephens
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Permalink Reply by Michael on
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Tell Some of the famous words of Jimmy HOFFA
Because I say so and thats the way it is
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Permalink Reply by Jason Brooks on
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I had to explain this to my wife at one time in my career as well. Take her with you. When she sees the Brotherhood and the ceremony, she will understand and support you more. I am an honor guard member and have done several LODD funerals as well as attended them. She does not ask at all when I tell her to rearrange the schedule or that I am missing something to go. She understands now.
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Permalink Reply by Adam Box on
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I asked her if she would like to go. She flat out refuses on the grounds that she's terrified that it'll be my funeral someday. (This is the girl who won't listen to 'Amazing Grace' because it reminds her of firefighter funerals)
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Permalink Reply by michael spadaccini on
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It is something that few people outside the fire service understand and I have given up explaining years ago. When we lose a brother as a lodd you do whatever you can to help that company out. Remember weither your vol or a paid guy we are all brothers all fighters and we we lose one of our own It's our instinct to be there to help.
RIP Gary Stephens From Garfield Rescue Eng 3
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Permalink Reply by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on
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Attending the funeral of a fallen brother/sister isn't something that you should be fighting with your girlfriend about. It shouldn't even be a discussion.
If she doesn't understand that you feel that you should be there to pay your respects and to honor the fallen, then what else doesn't she understand about your being a firefighter? What other issue associated with your fire service involvement will you be arguing about?
And why does attending these funerals put you in a bad mood? If anything, it should put you in a reflective mood. It should remind you of why we do what we do and how important it is to love the ones around you.
We don't want the same enthusiasm or even the same commitment out of those around us. We only want their support. And if they understand, that's even better. But if they don't, that shouldn't change what we do. It might have to change what THEY do.
There is nothing wrong with feeling badly about the loss of another firefighter. But it shouldn't put you in a bad mood.
We mourn the loss, but we celebrate the life.
And we do it for every one.
Whether we go to the funeral or not.
TCSS.
Art
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Permalink Reply by Tiger Schmittendorf on
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My question I suppose is how do I explain to someone outside of the fire service the brotherhood that we all share and why I would feel compelled to go to a funeral of a man I've never met?
You've answered your own question. The fact that you feel compelled to go to a funeral of a man you've never met - is the definition of brotherhood.
The answer to why you feel compelled to go is because he would do the same for you.
That's the real brotherhood of the fire service in its rawest and most public form.
Indulge me a moment and allow me to share my other definition of brotherhood in the fire service from my web site www.tigerschmittendorf.com:
“It doesn’t matter that we wear different patches on our left sleeve. What’s important is that we wear the same patch on our right sleeve. The red, white and blue one - the one with the stars and stripes on it.
That’s what brings us together and keeps us together. No one can ever take that away from us.
The fire service is what’s right about America.”
- Tiger Schmittendorf - February 25, 2005
I readily admit that it's difficult to explain and can even be quite intimidating to those who "don't drink from the same cup," but as my good friend Art said: If she doesn't get it, she doesn't get you.
Two words: Good Luck.
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And for the record, I attended a funeral today of a firefighter who died in the line of duty in a neighboring county last week. I never met the man, but I didn't need to. I know plenty just like him.
East Pembroke/Corfu Firefighter Norm Koch - May God give you Heaven.
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God bless you all my brothers and sisters. You've really helped me with this. God Bless you, stay safe, and thank you.
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Permalink Reply by Smoke Eater on
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I just asked my wife this question since she has been around it for 5 yrs. now. She has learned alot about the fire service in that time. When I asked her about it, she said " Explain to her about the brotherhood." This is coming from the wife of a firefighter who can't stand it when the pager goes off and I have to leave.
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Permalink Reply by CJ Knapp on
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All you can do is explain it the best way you can to them... You need to remember that they will never understand completely about the brotherhood unless they are a part of it... I go through the same thing with my wife... She'll never fully understand why I do the things I do with, and for the Fire Department....
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