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Dear Uncle Crusty Advice Column
Courtesy of ChiefReason Productions.
Now you can have one-stop shopping for advice. The person at the other end wishes to remain anonymous, but I can tell you that he/she has flashes of brilliance that borders on genius.
Got a question?
Then ask Uncle Crusty. This letter is from a young firefighter with “relationship” problems. Let’s read:
Dear Uncle Crusty:
I’m new to this firefighting stuff and dint know where to turn. I hope you can help.
We have one meeting a month-yes; I’m a professional volunteer-and my girlfriend, who is pregnant with someone else’s baby(that’s another story), says that she feels neglected. Clearly, she doesn’t understand that I am now a firefighter on a small department that has 15 calls a year and that I need to fight what others fear; that I run in while others run out and I do it for free.
I sense that the life of a firefighter is a lonely one. I told my girlfriend that she needed to get use to sharing her hero with our community. She had a bigger problem with me emptying our bank account to buy a scanner for home, a portable radio, bluelight for the car, really cool firefighter T-shirts, a rescue knife, Leatherman’s tool, truckman’s belt, rescue gloves and a very cool Nomex hood with zebra stripes.
She gets even more upset if I take our car to the fire station, because she doesn’t have a vehicle then. I guess I could leave her the car and ride my bicycle, but where would I put all my stuff?
I mean; I thought girls were suppose to be more mature than guys the same age. We are both 18 and you would think that she would have a better attitude and especially since she’s a sophomore in high school. She says that she wants to be a nurse and possibly a doctor if she ever gets out of high school. Shouldn’t we be more alike? Aren’t doctors and firefighters pretty much the same thing? I think you would agree.
I don’t expect you to solve my problems. Basically, I just wanted to bare my soul to a complete stranger in front of millions of internet users.
But, I think I will tell her to move back in with her parents and get me one of those cool fire dogs; you know; the ones with the spots? I can’t remember their name.
If she does that, she will take the TV and I won’t have anything to play my games on. Will they work on a computer?
Thanks for any help.
Signed,
Marooned on a desert island
Dear Maroon;
You’ve come to the right place. Firefighters LOVE to give advice and especially advice that didn’t work for THEM!
The problem isn’t with your girlfriend; it’s your attitude.
She is giving you an endless supply of training for when you become a Public Information Officer.
Think of her as “the public”; a public with unreasonable expectations.
Here are a few tips that I offer to you:
1) Marry her and upgrade to a 42” plasma screen HDTV and put the 13” set in the kitchen(that way, you can turn up the volume to drown out the nagging).
2) Buy more T-shirts. Then you can go two, full weeks before doing any laundry, if you do laundry.
3) Get the dog; the one with spots. They are called Irish Wolfhounds. Ask for it by name.
4) For the chafing; pour a packet of yeast into your bunker pants. When you can’t get your boot on, the bread is ready for the oven. Bake at 450 for 2 hours!
5) Work on that attitude, but by all means, share it on Facebook, too.
Let me know how it turns out. Our public has a right to know.
Oh; and start a savings account for her medical schooling, but tell the bank that it’s a Christmas fund. That way, you get the free toaster. I know and you’re welcome.
Glad I could help. We firefighters stick together.
Firematically(look it up) Yours,
Uncle Crusty
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jack/dt on
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CBz,
Good to see you used dimensional lumber and not that light weight engineered crap. Looks like you'll have plenty of time to slow it down and get off the highway when it catches fire. Safety-ish first.
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I think I have the picture for the appropriate bike-wear...
I get a lot of mileage out of this picture of WestPhilly...he needs to be more discreet.
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Permalink Reply by Ben Waller on
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I think CBz is "born to have splinters"
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Permalink Reply by Mike Schlags (Captain Busy) Retd on
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brings a new meaning to the term, sporting a woody...
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That explains one definition of that phrase, but in fact leaves the reader to wonder, just what the hell a woody is. Perhaps you could be a bit more...definitive.
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Dear Krusty,
Your advise and counsel regarding my bike proved to be invaluable. You are wise beyond your years. I am so impressed with you grasp of life that I thought I could ask you one more question. I'm trying to go green, you know, it's the future!
Knowing that recycling is important, I came up with another idea that I thought you might help me out with. Precious metals I hear are a great investment. I wanted to share with you that my research has conclusively shown that investments involving precious metals is a winner in the long run.
My problem is about storage. I have a lot of precious metal collected now but am running out of places to store it. Any ideas?
Thanks in advance!
CBz
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Permalink Reply by Brian Dumser on
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LOL, big surprise that bike is from Alabama!
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thanks for caring, is this you?
CBz
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Permalink Reply by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on
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Hey! I just saw that guy on the Olympics. Thats one of the German Lushers. Or is that losers?
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I'd hate to see the termite treatment...
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Well, they could double as insulation. Especially when the material inside your precious metals starts fermenting.
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thought you might appreciate that...
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