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Is anyone else bothered by the make-shift memoriums that people put up after a fatal accident or fire?
Flowers, teddy bears, crosses, and statues around a site of a fatal incident are not for me. I believe you should remember these people in how they lived, not in how they died. I now have to drive by one of these sites everyday. It is lined with flowers and an angel statue. I now go by each time and remember the entire incident as it unfolded upon my eyes.
I understand many people grieve in different ways, but, I just wish there energy and thoughts would be put to better use of rememberance of the loved one.
I wonder also what road workers who mow along the highways do when come across these crosses and other items. Do they mow over them? Do they move them? Do they leave them in place? Let me know your thoughts on this topic, good, bad, and ugly.
Keep safe
sgpjroh54321
I understand many people grieve in different ways, but, I just wish there energy and thoughts would be put to better use of rememberance of the loved one.
I wonder also what road workers who mow along the highways do when come across these crosses and other items. Do they mow over them? Do they move them? Do they leave them in place? Let me know your thoughts on this topic, good, bad, and ugly.
Keep safe
sgpjroh54321
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by sgpjroh54321 on
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Thanks for the comments. On my most recent one, I wonder what the home owner thinks of the makeshift memorial. But, nowing the home owner, he is a very understanding individual and is letting people grieve. I would not be surprised if he really cleans up the memorial soon and make it more perminate.
Thanks again.
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Permalink Reply by Coach on
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I thank my lucky stars, everday, that I have never found myself in the terrible position of having to ponder whether or not I should, or should not, erect such a memorial. Most of us, even in the very slow services, see more tragedy in 12 months then most see in a lifetime. Guess I just don't see it as my place to question how others grieve. Maybe somebody will slow their a** down, knowing that someone died there. Opinion may be in the minority, but yunz is welcome to disagree.
Badger
Everyone Goes Home
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Permalink Reply by Mary Ellen Shea on
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and really? Who are we to determine what is an appropriate expression of grief on someone else's part?
Is it disturbing to see the visual reminder? Yes, sometimes, depending on whether or not you were impacted by the loss. Is it the person who placed that memorial's right to do so? Depends on whether it's on public or private property I suppose, but I know I wouldn't be acting on behalf of John Q. Public and calling to complain about something so raw and vulnerable and expressive.
Put yourself in the shoes of the individual who suffered the loss. Grief can be so encompassing and overwhelming to those left behind that they feel the need to not let their loved one fade in anyone else's memory, hence the visual reminder or memorial. The survivors will never forget where their loved one drew his or her last breath, but maybe by posting a memorial, somehow, in some way, it keeps that person alive just a little longer for them, until they reach some sort of peace with it.
My friend lost her sister in a head-on car crash two days before Christmas two years ago. Does anyone want to be the one to tell her and her family that the teddy bear holding her sister's favorite flowers placed at the crash scene is inappropriate?
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Permalink Reply by Station10Capt106 on
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I do not have any problems with the roadside memorials as long as they do not pose an additional hazzard.
To me the way to honor someones life is to remember them. It is far easier to remember someone when you see a visual reminder, albiet a tragic one. While family and friends may reflect initially on the tragedy of the event it is inevitable followed by other fond memories of their life.
As mentioned before, people do not know how to greive. When we suffer a loss there are myraid of emotions that overcome us. We can withdraw in on ourselves or we can outwardly express ourselves.
I view it akin to how we in the fireservice relate to each other. It seems a couple times a year we talk to our brothers and sisters in the fire service and reflect upon some of the "Big One's" we've been on - whether fires or accidents. We relive (usually in detail) all the elements of that day with each other. It helps us reconcile the event and persevere. The firehouse discussion is our "Roadside Memorial" that is present all the time in fire stations across the nation.
I also think that these memorials can serve as reminders to others about how fleeting life can be and encourage others to think about their life and safety a little more. If this can save a life or two then the legacy of the victim lives on in one more life that they have touched.
John
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Permalink Reply by Chris Hayden on
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Well, if they are a "bad" thing, what about the memorials at firestations when someone is killed? I mean who is anyone to say that someone shouldn't be remembered the way their loved ones want. As far as a distraction to drivers.....seriously.......they can't be anymore distracting than someone who talks on the damn phone, plays with the radio, etc, etc. Just my opinion.
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Permalink Reply by Joe Stoltz on
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I don't mind seeing these roadside memorials. If it helps the loved ones and friends cope with their loss, then I'm all for it. As long as it doesn't present a road hazard or a distraction.
I pass at least two of these memorials nearly every day, traveling to and from work. One is located at an intersection where three teens died on their way to school back in the 80s. I think of them every time I pass that location.
The other marks a spot at which a fine young man died when his friend's car left the road and slammed into some trees. I was the first person on that scene and it was my responsibility to pronounce him.
Both memorials are nothing more than crosses, and once or twice a year someone comes by and attaches flowers or applies some paint. But they remind those that responded to the particular incident of the people that were lost, and about the fragile nature of life.
Last summer there was a memorial consisting of flowers, teddy bears, notes and so on, covering about 200 square feet. This was located on a busy highway and because of its size and large number of visitors it was dismantled. It was just too much of a traffic hazard to let it stay, but was removed after a respectful period of time. With this one exception, all of the roadside markers seem to be left alone by the highway folks.
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Permalink Reply by Greenman on
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Not everyone has true friends and family members, so the loss of a loved one to an accident can be very devistating to these people. Often whole families are lost for a while and the one thing that pulls them togethers long enough to get through the grieving is that memorial. sometimes that takes years and I think it's up to the rest of us to be patient and give them room.
The danger of roadside memorials to me is the danger the family members are in while they are putting out new flowers, flags, pictures and other momentos. Remember that MVA which took someone's life happened there for a reason, either high speeds, a sharp turn, or other inherent hazard at that spot played at least a contributing factor in many MVAs.
Where I lived in Georgia there was a roadside memorial for a Firefighter who died at an off-ramp and his memorial was a black maltese cross with a red stripe running across it and it always had fresh flowers at the base of the post. I respect the need for the family to keep the memorial, but it was at a dangerous location for them.
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Wow folks, the comments are great. Everyone has a different view. Many people have an understanding. And many comments have led to many people seeing it in a different light and added a different view. Keep them coming.
Stafe Safe
sgpjroh54321
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Permalink Reply by Zach on
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I have no issues with these style memorials. I have first hand personal experience with building and placing a memorial on the side of the road. This past summer my best friend of 22 years died in a car accident, that night our close group of friends that all grew up together were at my house and we built the cross her painted it, and all wrote our last letters to him and signed it. That was one of the best moments that we had following the accident, and then we all went to the crash site to hang it on the telephone pole where his car had come to rest. When we arrived at the site about 100 fellow friends were there grieving and they all greatly appreciated what we did as soon as we hung it. I can understand how some people have a hard time with these things, but keep in mind the people that put it there are having a much harder time with having to put it there, i also think it is a good reminder to those out there that it happens, happens real fast and usually close to home. On the maintenance workers standpoint, like i said above we hung the cross on the telephone pole. Normally the power company leaves them but they do have the right to take them down. I notified the power company that we had hung it and they promised it would not be disturbed, in fact they recently had to do work on that pole so they took it down so that it wouldn't get damaged and at the end of the day hung it back up. Stay safe everyone!
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Permalink Reply by Rusty on
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I don't have a problem at all with families wanting to put a memorial @ the scene where their loved one died. My FD lost a firefighter in August of 07, and his family has placed a small memorial @ the scene. I drive by it every day on the way to take my son to school, and only think about the good times that we all had with him. This scene was less than a mile from my house, but I don't have a problem. i think the only problem would be if the family did nothing at all and lost the memory of their loved one.
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Exactly......they are quite common in Canada----and frankly, if you don't like them, in all likelihood you're passing them so quickly I would wager that it barely registers on your consciousness.
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Permalink Reply by Tim on
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My mom was killed in a head on collision. We all left a little significant thing at the place where she left this world. We did have the thought about distracting other drivers so we placed them in a spot that couldn't be seen from the road. The trinkets lasted about a year then were gone. It wasn't really about remembering how she died. It was just a thing we did at that time. The fact that the trinkets either blew away or were carried off didn't matter. They served their purpose at the time. At least that's how I felt about it. I remember my mom every day. I don't need trinkets to do that. Although Spanner has a good point in that it will serve as a reminder of what happened at that spot and hopefully raise some caution flags to people. Good question.
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