While covering a fire company in New Jersey that will go nameless they had a working house fire. It went to I think three alarms. Tankers and ladders were coming from pretty far away. Well, ladder 66 keep calling command, and keep calling and keep calling for an assignment. After maybe 2-3 minutes (which is a long time to call on the radio) command was trying to get them to the scene and it went a little something like this;

"Command to Ladder 66 take Broad St to...no wait, go to third and then...no thats blocked too, Okay go to broad then turn on..of hell the damn way is blocked there. Ladder 66..$hit just park and walk your crew up"

Same fire
"21-6 to engine on the hydrant give me some Damn water I can pi$$ harder then that"

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thats awesome Craig, but we get some good ones from time to time also, I remember when we were coming back from a mutail aid call with the city and the Cheif and I were talking about who stupid a couple of the fireman on the other department were. When all of a sudden Central (911) came across the radio and told use we had an open mike, I looked down and here I got it pinched open between the seat and me. I felt like a jack@ss and still to today the city dont know who it was talking but they heard it, good thing we didnt say any names:)
I come from a very small town, like only 200 people in the village, and our old 3-story brick school house was fully involved at 3 am. Our Chief called for mutual aid from one of the towns just 5 miles down the road. There Chief asked our Chief for directions. Ours replied, "Take a left into town, and its the first fire on the right." You could see this for like 10 miles. I couldnt help but laugh...hell, I still do.
we had a small grass fire about 10ac when county paged it out a lady on our dept got on the radio and thouhgt she was on our channel when she said you wate on my ass but she was on the county wide channel all depts heard it. than on the fire someone ask for a size up and got a reply it really f*** big. and that was also on our county channel. ha ha
One of the guys on a dept i used to be on was talking to his buddy in the truck about the girl he was with the nite before . He told what she liked doing , how long and how often . All this while the mike was caught open between him and the console of his truck . Oh almost forgot his wife was on the fire dept also her radio was on that day . Now she is his ex !!
Initial size up of a commercial structure fire in Baltimore City........"Battalion Chief ?? on scene...."this mother is off, strike the duece". The reply from the Dispatcher at Communications......."Battalion ?? on scene, reporting a fully involved structure fire, requesting second alarm assignments.'
thats not even funny, just sad
First time I rode the seat. Well I used to sutter when I was younger but could control it when I had to. We had a field fire at the local high school. The chief was driving. All I had to say was 301 to fireboard, unfounded, 10-19...if it was only that easy.

"3-3-305, nnoo 3-3-303....ummmmm 3-302....uhuhuh 301 uuuunnnnnffffffooounnded 10-8...no wait.."

Well the cheif grabbed the radio and said what had to be said and I just sat there quietly embarassed and ashamed. Didn't help that I had fire school the next day. Was two years before I was confiident enough to ride the seat.
Was a big fire couple years ago..Town over or so from us..the first guy off finds a barn, part of a house, and 10 or so ac ablaze. And hot. This was the radio traffic..

"County to (town) First due, can we get a size up?"
(We use color..Green (nothing showing) Yellow (smoke) Red Fire showing)
(Guy gets back to county...)
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeee-Cock-sucka Condition Red! SEND ME Everything you got!"
Town over from us had a female who didn't want to pay for an ambulance bill at the local ambulantory center, so she called dispatch for the local fire co. to grab the pt. at the end of the driveway and transport to the local hospital.
hear it...
OK...we were responding to an MVA and enroute we got cancelled...On the return trip the "boys" were talking about that attributes of women we liked...ie "tightness"...well our chief made the remark that" his wife was as tight as a frogs ass...and that's watertight..."....Problem was the mike from the radio was stuck open....so everyone in the county also heard this conversation...needless to say it took quite sometime for that one to die.....and yes his wife overheard it on the scanner.......LOL....Stay safe all and always keep the faith.........Paul
we were on a house fire me and a couple of guys were on the back side of the house and a crew of guys on the front. the guys on the front was coming thru the house ans blowing stuff all over us on the back side. so i got on the radio and told the guys that they were blowing water and $hit all over us on the back side of the house. i did it without thinking the only person that heard me was my trainning officer.
I guess my Sylvester the cat imitation cracked up the alarm office girls the most, but they never turned me in.

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