we were called out at 345am to assist a citizen. apon arrival we found a 29 year old male laying prone on his bed with the sheets up to his neck, we asked him did he call for ems, he replied "yes, i need some help", so the normal routine of question's we ask, and he called us to change the batteries in his dildo, and put some more lube on it, he claimed it was stuck in his rectum, i thought you have got to be kidding me, we told him we couldnt do that or remove it for him because it wasnt blocking his airway, we offered him transport to the er, and we placed him on the streacher face down and transported him to the er,, and the whole way, he was crying about how his boyfriend is gonna be pissed at him,,, it was funny, but not at 345am, and it was very embrassing me to see the doctor and the nurses telling them what i had just brought in to them.... hope you guys never run in to this kinda call..

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Like I always say, "be professional, then laugh/swear/cry, etc. on the way back to quarters. Let's hope he doesn't become a frequent flyer! Stay safe!
I would love to see that x-ray.
You never know what you are going to get. My hat off to you for staying professional. I know it was hard not to laugh in his face. You did a great job and like Roni said I hope he doesn't become a frequent flyer.
Some years back, a man came to the ER stating he had taken a fall in the shower and landed on a bottle, injuring his rectum. The xray showed very clearly an Old Spice bottle, which required surgery to remove. Of course we found it hard to believe that he made a one point landing with no external signs of trauma. For years afterward, just humming the Old Spice jingle would elicit gales of laughter.
Foreign objects in various places were a fairly common occurrence, but most had the sense to come by car and NOT call EMS.
lmao I can't believe it . I've heard of some great calls but that takes the cake. My aunt worked ER in a big city >one nite she had a guy come in inleather pants all the nurses were checking this guy out he was hung to his knee . To thier amazement when they cut his pants off he had a sausage taped to his leg real ladies man .lol
here is one that is really cute for u to read, an it still brings a smile to my face just thinking about it...

quite a few years ago we were called to a residence for a little boy (4 y/o) stuck in a wooden rocking chair... we came in non-emergancy so as not too cause more distress to everyone... he had gotten his whole knee stuck in the chair when he was sitting on grandmas lap.. mom and grandma had tried to get his knee unstuck by ussing dish soap and it didnt budge.. so the lead medic didnt want to tear the chair apart until it was the last option.. so we tried some more dish soap, and were successful.. mom and grandma hadnt worked the dish soap in between the boys knee and chair rails, but the look of fear on the little guys face was classic.. its one of those evperiences that is rewarding about the job we do.. it still brings a smile to my face after all these years...
this is seriously funny as all hell!!! i surely wouldn't be the one embarassed... it'd be all on the guy with the dildo up his ass... make him explain it to the nurse and doc!!!
with a call like that be as professional as possible then after you send him to the ER laugh all you want as long it is to the right people
Got a call one night for an injured person. On arrival we saw the first responders, S.O., and DPS. They said we needed to be careful, our patient had a tire tool in his rectum that had been inserted by "some gang bangers". On exam we found the tire tool from his burnt truck inserted in him. Something just didn't look right as the end with the socket was inside him. We packaged him, started two IV's enroute to the hospital. When S.O. got to the hospital they said there were no gang bangers involved. This guy did things like that for attention. Oh yeah, he also burned his own truck.

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