how to deal with a fiancé who just doesn't understand?

I'm sure others have asked about this, but I need help. Here's the story: My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years now. We have one child together and another that I claim. I've been a Firefighter for a total of 8 years now. Full time for going on 4. She knew this when we got together and was fine with it. Now, since our daughter had been born, she is a TON less supportive, even to the point where she says horrible things about the Department, and also the people in my company. Anytime there's a training class that I want to attend, a shift that I fill, our any event that I need to be at, she complains, makes me feel like a horrible man, and even throws the kids up in my face saying I pUT the job before them. Telling them Daddy doesn't wanna be with them. The guys at work and the Fire Chief think I'm not dedicated enough because she guilts me into staying home when I SHOULD be at the Firehouse helping out or training. Idk what to do. Any advice? Please? I miss being a dedicated member of my Department, and I love the job with all my heart. Thanks guys

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Permalink Reply by Don Catenacci on July 21, 2012 at 11:05pm

Wow some fat fingers in my post above...

con't should be can't

quo should be quit

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Permalink Reply by John Crabbe on July 22, 2012 at 12:32am

Yes, Don, your sausage fingers suck.

While I agree with the sentiment, the actuality here comes down to the communication between the two individuals involved and most likely that of a counselor. Putting such a "touchy" subject on the net for "advice" really only clouds the actualities experienced. Posting on this site just leads to a bias and further personal accounts that don't really have too much bearing. By this I mean we will see those who are FFs portraying their experiences, those who may have gave up the fire service for family, you most likely would never see.

So yeah, like you and others, I couldn't give into such an ultimatum, I worked too hard and too long to reach the career of FF to just give it up. I'm biased. However, I have seen a give and take and despite the OP saying he has since quit his volly gig, that isn't how he originally phrased it.

Regardless of personal experiences or advice given by other FFs here, the only true way for the OP to work this out is to work it out with his fiance and discuss everything and even better to have a counselor involved to mediate that communication. Seeing a counselor should not be viewed upon poorly because it is great what can be accomplished by having that environment to communicate in.......and with that, I'm also biased because I have personally experienced it working.