Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by John Crabbe on October 26, 2009 at 3:21pm

this is a site where i see personal life mixed with firefighting. its a social networking site for firefighters. i am perfectly allowed to come here and express my other life within my profile as there is more to me than firefighting.
but your judgements of my photo and whatnot are really unecessary. just because i "dont ask questions" here or this is my first, has no on the nature of my question.

Actually I agree with Kali here. While this site is a social networking site and there is more than just firefighting, most members are not here just to push a single agenda. Had you been around for awhile and participated you would see that. The issue here is that you create a profile and ask one single question, but yet you don't participate in any other discussions, you waited for a couple days to respond to this, despite that several members have posted a few times. To me, that shows your intrest is not with FF, but with pushing your activism.

You see the majority of those who post here come from many different backgrounds, but they participate in different discussions. Those who post one discussion tend to have a different agenda than just FF....I could give you some nice examples of some salespeople pushing their product within a discussion. Then you have people who start a contraversial thread, never comment to it, just to stir the pot....they don't post anywhere else.

So, while your participation has really no bearing on this question, it does make others question your sincerity to the subject and to also FF, as Kali mentioned. There are plenty of discussions on here for FF and there are many with personal type of questions like yours, yet I don't see participation elsewhere, that makes me also question if you are serious, or just stirring the pot. As for not appreciating bitter feelings...well then I would suggest getting some thicker skin, because you will need it in this profession.

Permalink Reply by Jack/dt on October 26, 2009 at 4:22pm

In my defense, I said "IF". Hard to tell but your response seems a bit sarcastic, I could be wrong though. Beyond that I offered you my opinion/advice, to which you are welcome to take, consider or altogether ignore, but in any event, you are certainly welcome that I bothered to take the time to offer my thoughts.

As to changing backwards minds, anything is possible but improbable when approached with a chip on your shoulder and/or an attitude, which again, I seem to sense. But hey, wtf do I know. Deal with it as you will.

Permalink Reply by Tony Leonard,Jr. on October 26, 2009 at 6:18pm

Welcome to the Fire Service!,and I agree with J Brooks,Go to the Chief.You may be a rookie but that doesnt mean you need to take that crap from someone.An try to use such words to drive you to being a good firefighter.Age,Race,Sex,or Orientations shouldn't matter,aslong as you can and are willing to do the job.There are many more firefighters who are or have been in your situation.I'm also dealing with being "outcast"because I rent my home and not own it(not a "tax payer"),But do what you think is right.

Permalink Reply by Caroline on October 26, 2009 at 7:34pm

nonono not sarcastic! i truly am greatful that you took the time.
im already feeling a lot of animosity on this site but i am taking your advice.
thank you! really!

Permalink Reply by Caroline on October 26, 2009 at 7:35pm

honestly this is by far the best response ive gotten.
thank you so much!
i will do this.

Permalink Reply by Caroline on October 26, 2009 at 7:36pm

not activism.
this is a site ive found that mixes social networking with firefighting.
i am an activist for the lgbtq community but it really doesnt reflect my firefighting.
thank you though!

Permalink Reply by steve crump on October 26, 2009 at 7:47pm

John, I'm not sure how do do the quote thing so I copied an pasted below what u said.

I could give you some nice examples of some salespeople pushing their product within a discussion.

I think this has gotten better, if you want to talk about it......or share some stories of FF helping each other please let me know

Permalink Reply by Caroline on October 26, 2009 at 7:55pm

im not aggravated with your responding, im aggravated with your attitude. i find you rude and abrasive. im not trying to make this a personal attack, but this really in no way attests to my character.
furthermore i'd appreciate it if you didn't try to analyze my personal life, and project your experiences in my town, onto mine. just because you've worked with my department, or know of it, does not mean i haven't had a bad experience there.
it seems like you're posting that as a way of threatening me? which i dont like. it looks to me like you're trying to prove your point through your location, and simply that is not a valid point. were you at my firehouse and were you experiencing this on some level with me, i'd be more receptive to your opinion, but you're basing it off of the area we have shared. i came to this site for the reaoson of having an objective opinion.
also, im not concerned about how you feel about my photo. quite frankly im proud to be everything i am, and i didn't join this site for criticism and long winded responses discussing my age, location, and name. i'm aware its on my profile and accessible but you must feel a little strange knowing you're posting my last name and town up. regardless, you really don't know me outside of this situation, so i understand your judgements and whatnot. but it is abundantly clear i'm still in highschool and maybe knowing that you'd be able to differentiate me from a teenager who is "stirring the pot" and one who is asking for input-lecture free.
lastly, i'd just like to say i wanted, as you pointed out, input. "so im wondering if any other ladies have dealt withh this and how you handled it...someone give me some insight! gay or straight i dont care!" to which you responded: I evidently mistakenly thought you meant you were looking for advice and/or opinions from female firefighters experienced in dealing with similar situations.

i reread your original post and i see no insight to someone who has dealt with a situation similar to mine. i see a critical comment, that maybe i have taken too sensitively and responded negatively, to which i apologize; for any disrespect you may have felt. regardless, i feel like you are contradicting yourself.
thanks for your time, even if this has ended on a sour note between us kali.

Permalink Reply by Caroline on October 26, 2009 at 8:01pm

im not sure how to be any clearer. yes, i did join the site strictly to ask this question and get opinions.
my lack of response is due to me having a life beyond the internet, for example, at the firehouse. sorry i've been late on responding to the 39 responses i've recieved..
but also, this is not where i take my questions. whether i post and share my opinion does not make me an "active" member or not. quite honestly you don't know what i've been reading and doing on this site. i may not be verbally sharing my opinion, but that doesn't mean im not "participating"
thank you for recognizing it does have no bearing on my question though.
if you feel as though i've "stirred the pot" then i apologize, because this was not my intention. i was looking for a solution and insight to something that i haven't dealt with before, in this sort of situation.
as far as having thicker skin, it's thicker than you think. thick or not, i can still be unappreciative of bitter feelings, as i got from kali.
thanks for aking the time to respond etc. i do actually appreciate it, argumentative and all.

Permalink Reply by Ben Waller on October 26, 2009 at 8:21pm

Caroline,

Kali is just telling you like it is. She gave good advice.
You came here looking for advise, then got upset because you got what you asked for instead of what you were apparently looking for.

If you want to be a firefighter in the firehouse, be a firefighter.
If you want to be gay - or straight - or bi - or whatever - in the firehouse. Firehouses are not about sexual orientation, they're about teamwork, mutual trust, and doing a job to help people who are not in positions to help themselves.

If you're looking for validation for your sexual orientation vis-a-vis a career, you're likely looking in the wrong place, both in your real firehouse and in the virtual one here.

And...when you post the avatar that you showed up with here, it does send a non-verbal message that's not congruent with your verbal one.

Word to the wise...take Kali's advice. She's a lot more experienced that you, she's been both a female and a firefighter a lot longer than you, and she has more life experience than you. Those add up to "listen to her" even if you don't like the way in which the message is conveyed. If you turn off the message because you don't like the way it is conveyed, your firefighting career is likely to be short and laden with disappointment.

Permalink Reply by Rusty Mancini on October 26, 2009 at 8:27pm

Caroline, I think you need to step back and take take a look at the people that responded to your post. Respect is something you have to earn. You asked for some insight, and some of these well respected firefighters have tried to accommodate you with their time and good advise.

It's seems that you have taken some of it personal! Your not going to here everything you want to here.Take a look at who you are talking to! This isn't the girls or boys club kids your asking advise from.

When you start making personal attacks, you will lose integrity real fast, with real firefighters. Oh--- by the way, I too had given you some advise and my time!

Permalink Reply by Caroline on October 26, 2009 at 9:08pm

kali, im really not trying to fuel this any longer.
i really do respect what you're saying and im really not trying to personally attack you. im sorry i'm very frustrated with whats going on.
you have been doing this for longer than me and you're right about respect being earned.
furthermore, im not worried about anyone in my firehouse seeing this.
i am truely sorry i offended and overreacted..i felt misperceived by you in you stating that i was bringing my activism to the firehouse, as i wasn't, and am not looking for validation.
you are right regarding this issue, and again, i apologize for my indeed hostile response.
i'd like for things to not be on this plane, on my second day here.

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