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Comment by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on February 28, 2010 at 4:09pm

Glad you have made some forward movement. Couples counseling could still help you kick your problem solving conversations to a whole new level and make your relationship stronger.

An interesting thought . . . we seek experts:
- when we need help with our car, we find a mechanic (because we value our car)
- when we need to buy a house, we find a realtor (because we value our house)
- when we need financial advise, we consult an accountant or financial planner (... our money)
- when we need legal advice, we hire a lawyer (because we value our personal rights)
- when we need medical counsel, we see a doctor (because we value our health)

SO... when we need relationship counsel, we probably should see a relationship therapist !!!
BECAUSE YOU VALUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP !!!

And as a girl... I still say - take down her picture out of your main postings. When another firefighter meets her and mentions "Oh yeah, I saw your picture on ..." she may feel that you could have protected her better. Women like men that protect them not only from what we know, but also from what we don't know.

Take your time. Good relationships are not forced, they are built, like a strong house - one brick at a time - slowly, gently and deliberately - not rushed and without short-cuts.

Comment by George Laiacona IV on February 28, 2010 at 1:32pm

Thank you Heather for the helpful information. That girl never looks at this. And me and her had a nice long sit down and talk about our goals and what keeps happen to cause all of these problems between us. We worked out everything. She explained to me why she kept leaving me and I explained to her how it made me feel and affected my work. We worked out a plan that might help stop all of these problems between us. We both made it clear that this is our last chance for anything.

Comment by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on February 27, 2010 at 11:09pm

Hey George: A couple of thoughts.

I get why you would ask us for advice - because your personal relationship affects your work! So you should feel free to ask any questions that help you bring clarity and internal peace of mind - which in turn will keep you alive at a fire !!!

As a girl, I would say, take her picture off your web postings. If she read this, she would be embarrased if she saw her picture. Girls don't like their pictures posted along with any thing that may reflect any negativity on them, and anything that may call their actions into question.

Also, try couples counseling - just like marriage counseling - but for couples who are trying to decide if they should be a couple. It may cost you some money, but it can be worth it. And it can also help you process through your feelings and help you align your thoughts and long-term intentions. If she will not attend therapy with you, go by yourself. It is a safe place to discuss the specifics of WHY you are stuck on this girl... and can help you figure out if you should be doing something differently to be a better partner to her.

Also work to better understand yourself and your goals and your motivations - then align yourself with a partner that has similar goals and motivations. This will save you a lot of heartache in your relationships when you are trying to change your partner to your way of thinking, or when your partner is trying to change you to their way of thinking.

And be grateful for every chance to love. Many never find love in their lifetime. You have enjoyed a season of love. Everything in life is for a time and for a season. The time and season may have been great at times, but it also may be time for a new season.

Don't ever believe that you should be miserable in your relationships. Everyone deserves to be cherished and appreciated. And while relationships are hard work - ongoing - relationships still should not be destructive to one or both people involved.

Good Luck and Have Faith. You will make it through this.

And REMEMBER - there are TONS of AWESOME women in the world -I know a few dozen :-)

Comment by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on February 25, 2010 at 6:27pm

If there is more hurt than happiness in the relationship, then it isn't helping either one of you.
It is one thing for a parent to influence your relationship with her daughter; it is entirely different if the parent is trying to control it.
If your mate is old enough (of legal age) to move out, then she is old enough to break the control of the meddling mother. If she doesn't do that, then dude, it was not meant to be.
IMHO.
TCSS.

Comment by blair4630 on February 25, 2010 at 4:05am

I think when it affects you enough to have a negative impact on other areas of your life. Here's my other thought, and don't take this the wrong way, this is a sincere tip to help you. Use this site to make you a better firefighter, not for relationship advice. None of us personally know you, her, or the situation.

Rely on yourself, your family, your (real) friends, and God.

Take care brother.

Comment by lutan1 on February 25, 2010 at 2:57am

I knew a guy who ended up hooking up with the mother after a few months and left the daughter- food for thoughts???? :-)

Comment by George Laiacona IV on February 25, 2010 at 1:17am

Well i was good with her mother until her daughter decided to move out and I helped her move out. After that her mom started hating me. I have no clue why.

Comment by Robert Charbonneau on February 24, 2010 at 9:41pm

If you can be with the mother forever then you will be fine with the daughter... If not then grab your things and move on.....

Comment by George Laiacona IV on February 24, 2010 at 8:38pm

The problem is that I dont want to move on. I want to still be with her after everything she has done to me. People change right? and the girl I am talking about is in my picture.

Comment by Leonora Miller on February 24, 2010 at 7:17pm

FORGET ABOUT THE 4th STEP!! thats bull crap! I know I'm younger then you, but i'm just saying my opinion. It took me about 6 months to move on from my long relationship with my ex. So just go with the flow and live life, eventually you will forget and find someone new. :)

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