seizing my day....

this is the feeling i get. these are the words i choose to share with you what i was feeling, and wrote out in like 10 mins, on the way back from cleveland to the station. it has nothing to do with the ego boosts i have received, or the DOA i just got back from before traveling to cleveland? this kind of thing flows from me on a daily basis nowdays. most i cannot share, most is dark, or would hurt someone else. but this is what i can share.

with this pad and pen,
i'm gonna find myself again
the words just flowing
i can't hide, i can't stop it
self expression-
fuck your insecurities,
we all have them
its not your fault
but you must rise above it

but i can honestly say
i have seized the day
i have jumped for the brass ring
i am above the pain,
I can quelch the heat rising in me
i can make it all go away
death, depression
it has no hold on me
let those bells ring
for i know that it's my soul that now sings

Listen here now, these words coming from my lips
come from inside of me, from deep with in
you have no idea what it's like
to live free, when you live right.
when the words come ripping from off your heart
when it's all i can do to keep up and write!

I had this nervous energy before i knew
what exactly what it was that i needed to do
I kept all of these feelings, for the most part inside
not out of shame, or blame, or any of those things
it was partially because i thought no one would want to hear me

but now i know, that's not the right approach
i don't care if you like it or not, it's my story to tell.
It's about my individual struggle, in this human race
and it really started in a mental hurricane
and then later propelled itself during another "fall from grace"
The things i didn't do, the things i did
I was tired of holding my tounge,
I was tired of feeling incompleted,

i realized that i needed nobody else,
and that i couldn't finish growing,
if i had never experienced loniness,
if i had finished this life, with out ever knowing

the burdens i carried, finally broke my back
made it easier for my soul to find it's way back
to where it needed to be, from carring for everybody
to finally taking care of me!

if you don't know me, and you are reading this,
i hope it gives you some hope, maybe even encouragement
this life is short- so we all say
so why not give in, and seize your day?

I have just started to take mine, finally for all it's worth
No longer will i call my self "a fucked up- broken woman"
the man that gave me that name, he remains unnamed.
he never meant it out of harm or shame.
(and only i know that)

all of the miscommunications to the observer,
the one that doesn't walk with it's feet
touching the earth,
and the one on this plane-
who eyes remain
seeing the daily drama
of death and rebirth
can finally reunite

and what a blessing it is
when you can love yourself
you can start to find happiness

i sincerly hope that you can say that one day,that you seized your day. take that chance, and light that candle- it's better to have loved and lost than to always wonder.

i have had rejection, and you know what? it feels good to have survived it, and not ever wonder where i stood. that person can go on, and live thier life and i can go on and keep living mine.

now don't get me wrong, it sucks to have the butterflies, and have to push them away. but if they say no, then they don't derserve what i had to offer anyways! good or bad, it's all good in the world. the next life might not be all that wonderful.

oh i didn't mean to keep going. i am an artist first and foremost. that's the thing i have ignored for the most part of my life. firefighter is my passion in this life, caring for people, and being relied upon, by many people, to do whats right, even in the middle of the night. that's the anthem that i live by.
-love to those that know i love you, Leigh.

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