I am writing this here because I need to blog this to help me deal with it, and you guys will understand.

The other night I started the steps, after two years of on and off drug use, depression, anxiety, and attempted suicides to send my daughter to inpatient treatment. It has been a long rode of her coming under the radar, and manipulating us, her brothers, and the doctors to seeing only one side of herself, when actually the drug side was who she has grown into. She has a mood problem and has kind of victimized me I'm sorry to say for a long time now with making me feel like a bad mom. I need to join a support group, but I can't until I'm done with the Academy next month.

My kids were adopted as many of you know, but I too have addiction in my family and have made it a point not to touch alchohol in the last 20 years. It's not too hard for me to comprehend becoming an addict because I saw it so much growing up, but the helplessness that I have is so frustrating, with all my knowledge, of how not to let the manipulation take a hold of you.

I am sorry to say it has 99% destroyed my career, and my spirit. But I wake up each day looking out my window at a stained glass cross, praying for faith. And glad I made the steps my parents couldn't make with my brother. At least my boys can feel my protection, and see how things wind up when you do bad things.

Please keep my family in your prayers. Thank you.