Notes from a Rookie Firefighter...March 2, 2011

I've been waiting days to sit and write this blog post, deciding whether or not it's appropriate for any type of forum. However, this morning I've decided the heck with it I'm writing it.

We all know that stress is among the #1 killer for people in emergency services. Being a perpetual rookie firefighter, you may think, "What kind of stress can she have?" We all fight different types of stress and cannot control how our body reacts to it.

Being a single mom without absolutely any help can be very stressful. I've recently found some things in my home that shouldn't be there. A few things have gone missing here and there, enough for me to connect the dots and know that there is something going on.

I am dealing with one kid's anxiety and not getting up for school for months, and the other who's graduating from high school soon and is too lazy to write scholarship essays for college.

My home has always been a happy place, and still is. However, I've had to put my foot down and make rules that my kids do not agree with. Horrible, horrible rules it seems. For example, "No more than 2 kids here without me, no kids sneaking in during the night because their parents kicked them out, no staying out past your curfew without calling me and asking permission, take your medication" are really horrible rules, aren't they?

I came to a strong conclusion. You don't like my rules, that's fine. I have no problem modifying my custodial arrangements and going to court. After all, I did it all myself last time without an attorney, it would only take me an hour. I was told by older bipolar one, "I want to be emancipated." I said, "Sure. I would be happy to tell the judge that you don't want to follow the rules of the house."

That was the weekend. Now, a few days later - Cooperation? Yes. Respect? Most definitely. Asking permission? Yes. Kids here? A few with a call to me first asking me if it's okay.

Throughout this entire ordeal, this is what I've learned. There's always a good cop, bad cop in almost all situations where people work as partners. I'm the bad cop when it comes to parenting. My ex, well he's the good cop. Forgets to shut off their phones with Verizon, forgets to discipline, sees them 4 hours a week, etc.

Now, getting back to stress. When you have fibromyalgia like me, a normal parenting situation like the last few weeks takes your body and permeates it with flu-like symptoms that last for a long-time. Add work stress, getting no sleep, no break from parenting, paying bills, breaking up with a totally controlling boyfriend, and I wonder how I can even get up out of bed each day. So, back to the doctor for yet another round of medication that will hopefully calm the symptoms and remove the chest pains from anxiety.

Today is day #3. I will let you know if we last until the weekend.