Notes from a Rookie Firefighter...February 16, 2009

A week in the life of Denise Broesler, Rookie Firefighter, RE/MAX agent and humanitarian.

People ask me when do I plan to consistently write on this blog. Writing this column has become a very safe outlet for me, and since I haven't publicized it to more than firefighters and EMS workers, I know what I say will not be admonished nor ignored.

After all the months it has taken me to get my daughter to the proper treatment place, my hands are tied. She will be 18 in less than two weeks. When one is 18 in NJ and involved with mental health, they get to decide if they want residential treatment or not. I have had the help of a remarkable attorney who is a fellow volunteer firefighter throughout this whole time, and the strength and foresight of other volunteers in my department who have been in similar circumstances or have simply imparted their wisdom to me. However, after all this time, she gets to call the shots. One of the choices she has is to come home. None of her issues have been addressed during this entire process. I can only hope that God watches over her and makes her safe if she decides to leave.

At the same time all of this is going on, I am still waiting for the results of my Firefighter 1 exam. No one could have studied more than I did. I audiotaped myself doing all the chapters in review. I re-read the book, the workbook, watched training videos on http://fireengineering.com, and found a comrade in the form of another volunteer who needed to take the test again too. We got together every week for a month and quizzed each other. I don't believe I studied as much for my Broker's exam when I became a real estate broker.

I am also searching for a job. I already have one job as a full-time realtor at RE/MAX. However, I have stayed away from short sales and foreclosures, as I can feel the sadness and suffering these families are going through. Being a highly moral person, I simply cannot take advantage of their situation. It frightens me, as my family is in a situation of an interest-only mortgage in a house that is way too much for us to afford. My office is a ghost town, and the motivation is very, very low. I was so fortunate this week to be interviewed by RE/MAX International for an article in their newspaper that is sent to every RE/MAX office around the world. The article was because of my volunteerism, as RE/MAX is such a community minded organization. Most of us give $25 from each of our commissions to Children's Miracle Network, or the Susan G. Komen's research organization. I give money from my transactions to my firehouse. I am trying to BELIEVE I am still a realtor even though I am trying to find another job. It's something I am having trouble getting into my head...two full-time jobs at one time.

So my job search has had major highs and lows, including my thoughts of "What do I want to be when I grow up?" I am 47-1/2 years old, but I still don't know what I really want to do. I have an incredible communications and technical background but at the end of the day I'm still a realtor. I have a GPA of 4.0, but with a Certificate in Computer Info Systems but not a Bachelor's Degree. I have also been a caregiver for 10 years, and unfortunately to those in the hiring position, that does not translate to business acumen, especially with all the competition out there.

I went on an interview last Monday, right at this time, for one of my dream jobs. It's to write copy and marketing communications for the American Cancer Society in NYC. I was asked why I wanted that job since they thought I was overqualified. I don't think I'm overqualified, because writing about personal experiences, especially as a melanoma survivor, is something that I am so good at. When I got off the train at Penn Station in NYC, I felt like I went back in time. Back before I was a caregiver for my parents and my special needs children, and I was thrilled yet so entirely frightened at the same time. I found comfort in St. Francis Church on W. 32nd Street, and made my wish and said my prayer like my father always taught me going into a church for the first time.

I pray for so many things. I pray for my child's recovery first and foremost, and that I can be strong enough to deal with whatever is coming next. I pray for a rewarding job, not just one where I get more auto sales for someone, or gain leads for a business that is just a business. I pray for us to be able to keep this house even with the payments going up and up. I pray for an end to this craziness in the world, and for my faith to be renewed each and everyday. And the last prayer I pray for is a place where I absolutely fit in and can make a difference.

I was told this week by a few members of the fire department that I volunteer too much. I teach CCD, am a Eucharistic Minister, a new member of the Office of Emergency Management, Recording Secretary for the Fire Department and our 100th Anniversary Committee, newsletter editor for the Parent's Advisory Committee of Morristown High School, and anything else that comes across my path. Volunteering is something that makes me feel like I'm me, and the person I was meant to be. If I could have any wish, it would be to have a position where I could plan community awareness events and make money for an organization, while having a salary I could live on at the same time. I'm not out to make hundreds of thousands of dollars, although it would be nice, but just something where I can work and make a difference at the same time.

I know I am making a difference to my children. A very good life member of the Fire Department told me that yesterday. Remember when I didn't think I could finish the Academy? I did. Remember when I was so nervous on my first real interview? Well I did it. Remember remember remember. I get it now.

Success is not always measured by what others see in you. It is measured by what you see in yourself. I sometimes think I still have as much growing up to do as my children do. I think hanging out with teens sometimes gives you a gift you couldn't get anywhere else--to relive a part of your life in a different time, and realizing your differences and similarities.

This week one of our members had a terrible loss. His father-in-law died of cancer. I didn't know this man, but he was a prior police officer, motorcycle enthusiast, EMS worker, supporter of the fire department, and friend to hundreds. His funeral is absolutely a choreographed event since he was such a pillar to the community. I wish I got to know him since he was such a powerful force within our community.

All I want to do is to make a difference and get a job. But I guess I am just like every other person who reads this blog.

Here's to you MC. When I saw the lines in the sky this morning during my walk, I thought of the lines I saw in the auto race on TV at the firehouse yesterday. You riding off into the sunrise on your motorcycle. May you rest in peace.


PS For those of you reading it and think it a bit simplistic, forgive me, as I have this safe outlet for my feelings.