Notes from a Rookie Firefighter...January 16, 2009

I started the day on a good note...it's Friday and on Fridays I wake up happy because I am a Eucharistic Minister and get to go see Mary in Cranford. And today I got my hair done and was visiting a friend in Garwood.

But then the call came. My child was being released from the treatment facility it took me months to get her into. Back to the shelter she goes, then to court, and then hopefully a facility that will help her.

If you understood the frustration I had, and still have, it's enough to drive anyone insane. I am blogging this because if it weren't for my friends at the firehouse, and the local probation officer, I would feel so lost. It took me 6 months to get her into this facility and she threw the opportunity away after only a week. Manipulation I think, although there is that tiny seed of worry that a parent can have...like if you're making the right decision or not. I trust in myself, and have faith in myself, but I'm not the same person I was two years ago, and that kind of makes me sad.

I don't want to join a support group now because it's all too fresh, and frankly I want to think positive thoughts and not the negative ones you can have when you're in a group of people talking about their kids drug use.

When I heard the news today, I happened to be walking into St. Michael's in Cranford and someone asked me how I was and I just burst into tears. And then her probation officer called and said the arrangements were made. Divine intervention? Definitely yes. I am holding onto my faith like a life raft right now and just wish this difficult part of my life was just over with. It's just not fair, and I'm so angry about it. And I'm never angry.

Sorry for whining and crying but I only have a month and a half until she's 18.

This post will be deleted tomorrow.