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It has come to our attention from several emergency
rooms and from the state fire reporting system that
many EMS narratives and Fire Reports have taken a
decidedly creative direction lately.
Effective immediately, all members are to refrain
from using slang and abbreviations to describe
patients and/or situations, such as the following:
Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH
(messed up heart), PBS(pretty bad shape), PCL
(pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it
again).
Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are
rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to
describe their mental state.
FUBAR (F!*ked up Beyond All Recognition) is neither
a scene sizeup nor patient condition.
Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom),
TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper".
Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to
include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle
interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
Fire victims are never to be referred to as "Crispy
Critters" nor "Kentucky Fried." "Well done" or
"Medium Well" is not a victim assessment for fire
scenes.
"The sudden onslaught of gravity" is a phrase not
needed in victims of fall reports.
HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not
"glow worms" or "little green men."
Police officers are not "guntoters" or "holster
huggers." Also, police officers injured at Hazmat
scenes are victims or patients- NOT "Copological
Indicators" or "Blue Canaries."
"The presence of MEBS" (Methyl-Ethyl Bad Sh*t) is
not a intial scene sizeup nor a description of a
product as outlined in the HazMat response guide book.
Persons with altered mental states as a result of
drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital
implants" or "negative bullet to head interface."
The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen. "
Endotracheal intubation is not to be referred to as
a "PVC Challenge".
And finally, do not refer to recently deceased
persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room
temperature) , CC (Cancel Christmas), DRT (Dead Right
There), CTD (circling the drain), or NLPR (no long
playing records).
I know you will all join me in respecting the
cultural diversity of our patients to include their
medical orientations in creating proper, narratives,
reports and log entries.
Sincerely,
Director of Human Resources Rules Of EMS
1. Skin signs tell all.
2. Sick people don't bitch
3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on
this is a bad thing.
4. Newbies have there own way of doing things.
5. The more equipment you see on a EMTs belt, the newer they are.
6. Remember what MICN stands for, "May I interrupt your Call Now?".
7. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt
good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
8. Just because someone's license date is before yours does not mean
they know what they are doing.
9. All bleeding stops....eventually .
10. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
11. If the child is quiet, be scared.
12. Always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them
sometimes.
13. If the patient vomits in the rig try to hold thier head to the
side of the rig with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you
have to clean.
14. If someone dies by chemical hazards, electrical shocks or other
on-scene dangers it should be the patient, not you.
15. Any EMT, FF, LEO and/or scene chief who is more drunk (or more
stupid) than the patient is the real problem.
16. There will be problems.
17. You can't cure stupid.
18. If it's wet and sticky and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE!
19. If at all possible, avoid any edible item that firefighters
prepare, especially the tuna casserole.
20. Heaven protects Fools and Drunks.
21. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by
occasional moments of sheer terror.
22. Every Emergency has three phases PANIC, FEAR, AND REMORSE.
23. You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are
on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream.
24. Rocket scientists that get into stupid car crashes are the first
ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
25. The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the
difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
26. Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and
sirens.
27. Make sure the rookie EMT knows that a med patch is a radio term,
and not a medicated bandage.
28. Paramedics save lives; But it's EMT skills that save Paramedics.
29. When a patient vomits outside, be sure to aim it at the citizens
who wouldn't back up.
30. Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be fully
stocked.
31.In spite of the assurances of the offgoing crew.
32. If you don't have it, don't give up, Adapt, Improvise, Overcome,
(then call for a second unit).
33. There is no such thing as a "textbook case"
34. Newbies always look for large things in the smallest
compartments and vice versa.
35. There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go
the way you planned.
36. If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking,
some one is missing.
37. Just cause your paranoid does not mean the Supervisor isn't
around the corner.
FIREMAN CRISTIAN
Add a Comment
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Comment by Duane Monkres on February 26, 2008 at 5:24pm
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I'm sending this to an EMT in the western part of the state. I just hope he doesn't print it to read later, and then read it during a response. Thanks for the laugh!
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