I’m going to warn you ahead of time. This is a long post. It’s an emotional post. If you don’t have a little while, just come back later. When you’re ready, grab something to drink, and consider having some tissues close by. I’m going to share the most amazing experience I’ve ever had as a fireman.

I’ve just returned from the National Fallen Firefighters Memorial Weekend in Emmitsburg, Maryland. This is the second time I’ve attended, but the first time I’ve been a part of the ceremonies. A year ago, I attended to honor a brother firefighter that taught me a lot about what this job meant – about brotherhood. This year was a bit different. You see, after we honored Bill last year, I decided that the highest tribute I could pay would be to serve as a family escort. Escorts are the firefighters assigned to the surviving families of fallen firefighters for the memorial weekend. They are the point of contact for anything the family needs, and escort them through all of the memorial activities through the weekend. How best to honor the fallen than to make sure their family is taken care of?

I’m going to take a few minutes and walk you through the weekend’s activities as well as my own participation. I’m going to include some pictures that illustrate certain points. Some of the photos are mine, while others are from the official photographers. The difference in quality will probably assign credit just fine. If you disagree, let me know and I’ll assign the credit where possible.

Like most of the families being honored I flew out Friday to Baltimore. For once while flying stand-by (thanks again, Beckie) I actually made the first flights without getting bumped and delayed. Only problem in this case is that my ride wasn’t available until early evening. I arrived before lunch. As I sat in the airport food court playing with Myspace surveys, I was approached by a member of the foundation welcoming committee letting me know that I was welcome to join them in their hospitality room where they were collecting the arriving survivor families. The foundation members and the members of the Anne Arundel County Fire Department (there were a couple of other departments represented. Sorry if I left you out, guys) were incredibly hospitable. For the most part I tried to just stay out of the way, but they kept checking on me. I appreciate it! Once I arrived at the National Fire Academy Campus I checked in, got my room assignment and was in bed shortly after finding a couple of friends that I knew were also there. Saturday was promised to be a long day.

Saturday did come awfully early. First order of business was a bite for breakfast at the NFA chow hall. It was pretty standard government chow hall fare. Not bad, but not great. No time to dwell on the meal though. We had a briefing at 8 o’clock. This is where I figured out what the notation on my escort folder meant. I was not escorting a family. Instead I had been assigned to represent a family that could not attend. I was initially a little bit disappointed. That is, until I realized that I actually had just as tough an assignment. I wasn’t keeping the family’s schedule. I wasn’t providing a shoulder to cry on and tissue for the tears. No, instead I was expected to go through the family activities “in place of the family”. In honor of the fallen firefighter, I was to represent his family. I had to go to the various activities and collect the keepsakes, and participate in the ceremonies for them. At the end of it all, I would collect all of the various things I collected for them and prepare them to be sent to the family I represented. Hopefully it isn’t improper for me to share with you the family that I represented.
Stephen M. Harbison
Pleasant Grove Fire Department
Alabama
Rank: Firefighter/Paramedic
Date of Death: June 10, 2007
Age: 49
Stephen Harbison died from complications of chronic reactive airway disease, which he had suffered since being exposed to chemicals while fighting a structure fire in 1994. He served with the department for thirteen years. His brother is also a fireman and paramedic. He is survived by his wife of 25 years, a son and a daughter (names excluded by me). He left behind a very close-knit family, including parents, sisters (3), and his brother.

Not a lot of information to go on when trying to represent a family. No, I don’t know why they weren’t able or chose not to attend. Still, as daunting as the task is, I was determined to show the proper respect and honor in representing them.

After the briefing we had to move quickly. The families were arriving on campus for the first time.

Since my family was not among them I took the opportunity to beat the line and visit the memorial plaque for 2007 line-of-duty deaths. I took several rubbings for the Harbison family and had them laminated.

I also collected a lithograph of the memorial site for them, donated by the Maryland State Firemen’s Association. During this time the families were being welcomed and oriented to what was in store for them. Several “fire safety clowns” were in attendance to entertain and visit with the kids. The kids and families were also invited to decorate the luminaria bags for the firefighters being honored this weekend at the candlelight service Saturday night. I’m almost happy to have missed out on this for my first year involved in the services. Like many I have a major soft spot for kids, and this had to have been tough.

Just about the time lunch was beginning, a deep roar was becoming audible. The Red Helmet Ride was approaching the campus. Over 500 motorcycles (the majority, but not all riding Harley-Davidsons) coming to honor the fallen by laying a wreath at the memorial site. I described the roar as “becoming audible” for a reason. From the time I could hear them it was nearly 10 more minutes before they entered the campus. No, that is not an exaggeration. I tried to get video on my phone, but the roar just wasn’t translated into what I wound up with.
To call it impressive just doesn’t quite do it justice.

There was just enough time to grab lunch at that point. The families were due in the small group sessions. This is a chance to gather with peers that have also lost loved ones in the fire service. Wives go with wives, kids with kids, all grouped by age. This way they know they are talking with people that truly have “been there”. Past years survivors are invited to attend every year, and this is where they are such an incredible help in the healing process. Again, not having a family present, I attended a meeting to prepare for the following day’s ceremony. Once the meeting ended I entered the Memorial Chapel to light a candle for Stephen Harbison and say a prayer for the healing of his family.




All of this was wrapped up with a family dinner where the families could talk over a meal in an informal setting. Instead of getting up to clear a table after finishing families stayed in the dining hall to talk with one another. We knew one more thing waited for the evening, and we were just waiting for our cue.


Right on time, the haunting sound of bagpipes filtered into the dining hall. That was the signal to bring the families outside and begin the short walk to the Basilica of the Shrine of Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton just west of the campus. This was the site of the candlelight service.

As a representative, I would be seated with the families to participate in place of Stephen Harbison’s loved ones. The service was non-denominational, but was held in one of the most beautiful traditional Catholic locations I’ve had the privilege of attending. Musical selections followed prayers and speeches. A string quartet and a small group of vocal soloists presented haunting and loving melodies as we went up to light the candles in the luminarias decorated earlier in the day by the kids.

There was a chill down my spine thinking of the gravity of what I was doing to honor a man I’d never met, but still considered my brother. Finally the lights were dimmed and a small group of past year survivors lit the “Remembrance Candle”.

They took that flame and carried it to the families in the pews, person to person, spreading the light. A slide show with pictures of the family activities from earlier in the day, more music, and I can’t imagine there were any dry eyes in the room.

As such solemn ceremonies go, it ended quietly. Families were escorted to their transportation back to their hotels.

Sunday dawned cool and crisp. Great improvement over the record high temperatures of last year (those dress uniforms get hot, and it was miserably so last year). We had to be checked out of our dorm rooms before 8 o’clock since the academy was expecting 400 students to arrive that afternoon. Breakfast had to be swallowed quickly as well. The families were due by 9. This was a public ceremony and the campus had set up security points (like any federal facility) to get people onto the grounds as quickly as possible without allowing any weapons. As families arrived they were met by escorts in dress uniforms, and walked to the area they would be seated in. Getting there required a walk through the “Sea of Blue”.

I was part of that sea of blue last year. Walking through it is another experience altogether. Is there any profession outside of the military and public safety that honors their brothers like this? If so, I haven’t seen it.

The memorial ceremony itself is about 2 hours long. Most of that is spent calling the “Roll of Honor”. Naming each of the fallen firefighters, alphabetically by state and then name, the families parade up to be greeted by dignitaries; handed a flag, a survivor’s badge, and a single red rose.

I claimed the items for the Harbison family, and returned to my seat. To my left sat another family from Alabama. To my right, the widow of a Phoenix, AZ firefighter was joined by members of the PFD honor guard. There were tears shed by the families around me. Then the families with the young kids came up. This was a tough thing to watch.

After the service, I stopped to write a short letter to the Harbison family, offering my condolences and hopes that I had honored them adequately. All of the items for them, from the rubbings of the plaque to the flag and survivor’s badge were collected and packed to be sent to the family along with the letter I wrote. I included my contact information. I don’t know if I’ll hear from them, but I wanted them to have the option.

It seems like something like this should be depressing. Instead I walked away feeling lighter; recharged in some way. My priorities were in order and clear in a way that they hadn’t been in some time. I knew what was important, not just in my job but in my life. It is my opinion that every firefighter, career or volunteer, should attend the National Memorial at least once in their career. I hope to return as a family escort (or representative) many times in the future. I’d like to be there every year or at least as many years as possible. In the mean time I’d like to make sure my kids know that I love them. I’d like my friends to feel my friendship and love. And I don’t ever want the most important people in my life to ever question that they are in my heart.