I WISH YOU COULD SEEI wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom fortrapped children, flames rolling above your head, your palms andknees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging …

I WISH YOU COULD SEE

I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom for
trapped children, flames rolling above your head, your palms and
knees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the
kitchen below you burns.

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 3 in the morning as I
check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR
anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late.
But wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to
try to save his life.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of
soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout
gear, the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see
absolutely nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I've become too
familiar with.

I wish you could understand how it feels to go to work in the morning
after having spent most of the night, hot and soaking wet at a multiple
alarm.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is
this a false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed?
What hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to an EMS call, "What is
wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller
really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces
dead the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save
during the past 25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say
the words, "I love you Mommy" again.

I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine,
squad, or my personal vehicle, the driver with his foot pressing
down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn
chain, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in
traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon our arrival
will be, "It took you forever to get here!"

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of
teenage years from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my
sister, my girlfriend or a friend? What were her parents reaction going
to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"

I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and
greet my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I
nearly did not come back from the last call.

I wish you could know how it feels dispatching officers, firemen
and EMT's out, and when we call for them and our heart drops because no
one answers back, or to hear a bone chilling 911 call of a child or
wife needing assistance.

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally, and sometimes
physically, abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express
their attitudes of "It will never happen to me."

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain
or missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition
to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of
helping save a life or preserving someone's property, or being able to
be there in a time of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy
tugging at your arm and asking, "Is Mommy okay?" Not even being able to
look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to
say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy
having rescue breathing done on him as they take him away in the
ambulance. You know all along he did not have his seat belt on. A
sensation that I have become too familiar with.

Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly
understand or appreciate who I am, who we are, or what our job
really means to us...I wish you could though.

-author unknown-

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Comment by medic69 on December 20, 2007 at 10:51pm
i have also dealt with a child not ever saying mommy i love or even take his first breath and have the mom say well,i didnt want him anyways and you do have to talk about it with your partner or you get big time burn out. as cody said-first in last out.
Comment by Cody Scott on December 13, 2007 at 12:29am
That is very very true. I personally have never had to deal with all the situations talked about above. But i have dealt with a child who will never say "I love you mommy again, or go on a date" And to tell you the truth, i questioned my ability to be a firefighter/EMT. I deeply hope no one ever had to deal with the kind of heartache and trauma that a child brings to a first responder. But if you are burdened with this situation, be sure to talk about it will your fellow firefighters or EMT's that were on the call with you. Helped me out alot.
Stay safe and remember, "First in Last out"

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