'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except me and my spouse

The stockings were empty, no presents were wrapped We were way behind schedule and our resources tapped

The children were nestled all snug in the beds, While the horrors of assembling danced in our heads

Dad armed with a screwdriver, ready and poised To build a red trike for one of our boys.

When off in the hall there arose a strange noise We dove over boxes to hide all the toys

The thud, it turned out, was our dumb puppy Paul Who was chasing the cat and ran into the wall

Back to his task, Dad cursed at his mess I suspect he was lost, but he'd never confess

He wrestled with parts and fumbled with tools Emailed the manufacturer and called them all fools

After hours of struggle, the bike finally took shape, With a few cuts and bruises and the aid of duct tape

He stood back and gaped at the bike he just built It weaved and it wobbled and rolled with a tilt.

His frustration grew; his voice shook as he spoke "The directions are Greek, it's all a sick joke."

At this point he snapped, his thinking unclear He'll do something stupid; this was my big fear.

He grabbed each toy's instructions, oh why won't he learn, Tossed them into the fire, chanting "burn baby burn"

"Burn Disney, burn Huffy, to blazes with you Burn Fisher Price, Playskool and Hasbro, too"

As smoke filled the room, this was his first clue That in a moment of haste, he had neglected the flue

To the top of the mantle, to the top of the wall A black cloud developed and ash settled on all

Soot landed on stockings and covered the tree And gave a look of charcoal to all we could see

The firemen came, dressed in yellow, like sun Seems the neighbors saw smoke and dialed 9-1-1

Out came the axe, out came the hoses Out came a Dalmatian who trampled my roses.

"There's no trouble here," I swore up and down Realizing this faux pas would soon be 'round town

"My husband's a good man," I tried to explain "The instructions weren't clear. It drove him insane"

The fire chief nodded and gathered his crew Hopped onto their truck and away they all flew

But I heard them converse as they drove out of sight "Her husband's the third jerk who's done that tonight!"