Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by StacyS on January 10, 2011 at 10:03pm

Mike is right-Depends on the individual. To be honest-I think the answer will vastly differ from men to women also. My ex-husband was on the fire department with me and went EMT with me. We were able to do great with it. There was a common understanding, the partnership you have with all your crew. I could go interior with him or be on a complete different crew. We were in sync, sometimes knew what the other wanted/needed done. Couple years after my divorce I was dating a guy who decided it seemed like the thing to do, so he joined the department. Well, he didn't take it so well. He couldn't separate the partner from the girlfriend. He was irritated at one scene because I asked him and another person to do something. His response, "Yes dear" in a very condescending tone. The complete and utter disrespect ended things pretty quickly. Fast forward to now......I have been with someone 7 years who is non-fire/ems. I thought he understood what it meant to me and was proud. After 7 years, I learn he never respected the work I do. To him it is a joke, bunch of guys and me hanging out at a bar. Mind you-I have NEVER been in a bar after a meeting or training in well over 10 years. Thought I would become responsible once I was a mom and stay home to raise my kids. If that's what I am being is irresponsible, then I pray there are a lot of others just like me in case my kids, friends or family is ever in need of the service we provide. Every situation, every individual is different. You just have to find the one that works. Sometimes it is just better to be alone for the right reasons.

Permalink Reply by Grant A Allen on January 11, 2011 at 6:51am

I will speak purely from personal experience and my own opinion so if you don't agree, well that's ok. Kate I have found that the benefits outweigh the the challenges for me. When I get in my 'mode', in my 'element', I tend to kinda have a hard time coming off of it. We have a different language we speak, especially in EMS. When you get back to regular life, I have a hard time changing languages. My example might not be good but I think of it like going to work and speaking spanish all day long then coming home and trying to speak english. Horrible example I know. But you get home you speak spanglish and with an accent. But if you go to work and speak english and then come home and speak english, no prob. So you get home to someone who gets it and they ask how your day went you can just tell them, well I run an MI, had a car accident with a pneumo, a symptomatic bradi, and took care of a kid that had a 6 cm lac on his distal forearm. They get it. Little longer to explain that to someone who doesn't know. Same with fire. Get home and say we had a busy day. Run an MVA with extrication, working structure, and landed a helo. Crazy shift. :). Every time I try to explain something I always accidentally add something that I immediately realize they don't understand then I spend a minute backing up and trying to explain it, finally losing their interest and my patience which results in it being easier to just not tell them nothing at all.

As far as the debrief part, it is awesome to run a bad one and have someone who 'gets it' to call or go to. They get it. They understand and they usually know how to say the right thing or when to just be quiet. Last, I have to say it is nice to date someone who gets why you do it and why you can be in the middle of something and the tones come and you drop everything and leave. Someone who thinks that means that you love the job more then you love them because of this, well you tend to grow away from and distance yourself. Or I do. Someone who worries and tells you about how much they worry about the dangerous part of the job, well that can become aggravating. There is that part about running the 'bad call'. We have all done it and there are times that you can't just leave that call behind and go on about life. You need an evening or day or couple days to be a little detached. Maybe I am wrong but that is my opinion, what do you think.

Permalink Reply by Katina L Phalen on January 11, 2011 at 11:29pm

Ok Kate here we go! I'm dating a fellow firefighter at my dept (well he's more then a firefighter) anyways we have are good days and our bad. We live together so it makes it a little harder cause we sometimes bring the work home with us. Neither one of us can climb the ladder any higher then what we are right now, cause supposly the ethics board says we both can't be employed because we live together. We are not married! He can not give me direct orders, nor can we be on the same fire scene together, nor can we work the same shift! So choice wisely and look into what your getting yourself into, don't put your career on the line. The benifits is when your talking about a scene or training you don't have to explain yourself. I was married to a civillian (army guy) you want to talk about a pain trying to break things down for him. But on the flip side he had to do the same for me. Actually he use to read my magazines and books that I left laying around.

Permalink Reply by Barry Copley on January 14, 2011 at 6:29am

I couldn't answer that one I've never dated anyone in Fire/EMS but I am looking for a nice girl to share my life with.Anyone interested feel free to message me.lol and I don't really have an age range just as long as their legal 18 and up.

Permalink Reply by Rita Jo Studdard on May 9, 2011 at 10:02pm

Haven't dated anyone in the fire/ems service all the ones that I know are either married or have a girlfriend. So I couldn't really tell you about dating anyone in the fire/ems services. But there are times I think it would be easier sometimes that way they know exactly what you are going through when you need someone to talk to or it might give you an idea what they go through when they are on the job.

Permalink Reply by Jason Abram on May 12, 2011 at 9:07am

From my experience i think its better to date someone of your proffesion, just for the simple fact that it gives you more to talk about and more to do then say dating a civilian, in the same breath tho sometimes it also has to be from your heart if you and a civi hit it off better then you and a firemen/firewomen then go with it...

Permalink Reply by Jacqui NiaNia on April 1, 2012 at 5:34am

I dated a guy who didn't like my profession, everytime he heard the alarm of my pager, he would panic b/c he always thought what ever my call out be whether a Fire, MVA or a Medical house call, he would get upset & ring a fellow Firefighter hoping he is on call with me, to make sure I stay safe & to keep an eye on me, it bothered me sometimes, b/c my fellow fireman would follow me everywhere,he didn't like the fact that we would all sit & debrief after ever bad situation, especially when there were only 3 females & 10 males, I called it quits after awhile b/c he didn't like me talking about my emergency calls etc...so it was best to not say anything at all that was...8 years ago then I got myself tangled up in an online dating scam with a Man I met on this site in August 2010 he is neither a Fireman or an EMT, He was another guy who never really cared about what I did for a living & how much I enjoy my profession, he would start off asking how was my day & as soon as I started telling him about the highlights of my amazing day at work or a massive Fire we put out, he would just say ok...then proceed to ask for money, he never really cared about anything I did or what risks I went through in a busy day at work...he sent me loads of love letters & sad stories, then with 2 weeks of us chatting he was off to Africa, he said he owned an Antique store in Los Angeles which makes great money all of a sudden within 2 days of arriving in Africa he was sending me messages of wanting me to send him Money, I sent him NZ One thousand dollars which cost me an extra $200 to send by Western Union & he kept asking for more money, my instincts told me to hold back as this Man stayed in Africa for 1 year with a little 5 year old boy back in LA he just kept hounding me for more money, When he finally said within a year he was back in LA with his son he still kept writing to me asking for money & when I never returned anymore money to him he just ignored me... but it didn't stop him from going back on this site trying to find other females to give sad stories to...who else has this Man tried...his Name is Fred Martins from Los Angeles CA United States...he should not be on this site, he is a scammer so our fellow Female Fire fighters be very careful & Vigilant of this Man, do not listen to any of his sad stories or else you will be duped just like me, so glad I listened to my instincts I told him I didn't have anymore money, but my family do & I told them about his scamming ways...so glad to be rid of him...I now date a lovely Man who is a Senior Fireman, we have only just started dating in the last 2 & a half months & he lives 12 kms from where I live, he is very understanding, & we both enjoy each others different stories of our daily tasks at work we both have an adrenalin rush on what we both love & that's fighting fires & saving lives with total TRUST & HONESTY...we have spoken about working together in the same Brigade, but in the mean time we will just carry on as we are at different posts for the time being, I am also studying to be a Nurse which fits in well with both Fire Service &  EMT...at the moment life is great...keep safe out there....:) I am 100% on top of the WORLD...I Love it...:)

Permalink Reply by PATTI NEEDHAM on August 10, 2012 at 10:33pm

Hello,

I I was married to a wonderful man who had retired from the Marine Corps and he had nothing to do with the fire service. We were blissfully happy until he passed away. Many years later i dated and married a man who loved the idea of my career choice but later into our marriage started making comments about how he wanted to join the fire service but did not for a variety of reasons. I could not discuss anything to him about my shifts because he did not want to hear it. He also had difficulty with my relationships with my male coworkers so......He left me. It was very difficult to handle but we have been separated now 9 months. The sting is still there but he was caustic to our relationship.