Now, I am sure that most of us would agree that being single definately makes things easier. You have no one to answer to when you don't show up cuz you're on a call, no one to check in with when you are at a fire scene for 6 hrs, etc. But my question is, does this ever work even if you find someone in the same field? I dated someone who was in EMS and he should have understood, but he got jealous if I got up to go to a call when we were hanging out, and got jealous of the time and dedication I was giving to the dept. Needless to say, he is no longer around, but I wonder does anyone have a really good thing going on where their S.O. isn't threatened by this? I get sooo tired of the drama that I see other FFs have to put up with with their GF's not understanding and constantly butting up against their dedication to the service. If it were me, I would cut them lose...but I have never had trouble breaking up with someone when it has gone south.
I agree that being single is easier then to deal with someone who has no clue what it is like to do this job. I find a number of problems dating. I was with someone for 3 years before going back into the fire dept. and he always told me to do what made me happy. Then it started, the being jealous, and feeling threatened. Always saying things like " I am afraid that you will leave one day for a call and never come home." And the day he watch the fire truck pull away and started crying then got mad because the fire truck was back at the station for 5 min. and called wanting to know why I was hanging out at the station. So I had to pick one or the other,,,,,,,,,,,and he did make it safely back to Fla. a week later. I find it harder to find someone who can understand why we do this, and I think it is harder when the firefighter is a female. I vote to be single,,,,,the only weight that should be on your back is an air tank. Have fun at what you do and never let anyone tell you how to live your life or make you change it for them.
what about her needs you need to stop and think of that and stop being a glory hound. You are suposed to be doing this to help others not to get praised and crap, if you ever want a meaningful relationship you better start thinking of someone other than yourself cause that is what you are doing or you would stay home with her
we have a comitment to both out S.O. and the station me id just pick which calls i went on depending on how large of a call it was and how long its been sence ive been with my S.O. so i mean yes you have your obligations to your S.O. but you also have your obligations with your station. and its not about being a glory hound cuz if you in the fire service for that then you need to leave cuz your going to get someone hurt. also your S.O. is going to just have to be strong and jsut understand what it is you really are doing. so. im kinda both ways with it. just talk to him/her to find a a place to "meet in the middle" on.
When I read some of these other posts I can relate 100 percent, I know how difficult it is to find that special someone that understands all the responsibilities that comes with being a firefighter. But it is a little upsetting that people think we are doing this just for personal glory, we do this because it’s something we love, the reward of helping someone in need when they need it the most. We don’t pick and choose the time when our pagers go off; they need to understand that, sometimes it happens when we are most busy or when we are spending time with family or our S.O. That’s part of the job, and if my girlfriend were to tell me I was thinking only of myself because I went to a call rather then spending time with her, then I wonder what the person who’s house is burning down thinks of me when no one shows up to help him, or the mother involved in a car accident in the middle of the night who watches her kids cut up and in pain, trapped inside the car only to see a fire truck with a crew of two because everyone else’s S.O. didn’t want them to leave. I know there is a give and take when you’re in a relationship, but there also has to be some understanding, firefighting is a major responsibility, people are depending on you, not just the people you’re going to help but the crew you work with. If they can't seem to reason and understand, then you may need to choose between your S.O. or the department. For some it may be a hard choice, but not for me, like Erika stated earlier, "the only weight that should be on your back is an air tank."
yep agreed...with most of the posts. if its a good relationship, trust shouldn't even be an issue. if your man is so insecure hes crying when you go to respond, that's just too much weight. there should always be some general concern due to the different hazards of the job. but that sounds like manipulation to me. talk to your S.O. alone and explain that its a team of highly trained, some skills specific, individuals that have a job to do. sorry. if that person can't deal with that, there's a decision to be made. and i doubt too many folks are giving up fire/ems to be with someone, who will probably just end up ruining your credit and an ugly breakup down the line anyway. little sarcasm. lifes too short for drama. do what your heart tells you.
Kelsey, Josh, Todd, I agree with what you have all said. I've been casually dating here and there, but I think would eventually like to date a FF in the hopes that we would understand each other and the dedication and different issues, etc. I know that if we have a bad incident, where someone might need to talk, they feel like they can't talk to their s.o. or family because they don't want them to have that burden that they have, or to worry about them more than they already do. Laypeople usually become very uncomfortable if you are telling them a gruesome, glassy eyed recalling of a fatal that will stick with you forever. You want them to retain their innocence and naivete somewhat. While you can never unsee or unexperience, you feel they shouldn't have that burden just because you do. Thats just one of the issues where I feel it might be better to date within the field. It seems to me that being able to bond over something that you are both so passionate about would bring people closer. Then again, some people like to leave work at work and enjoy the diversity that their s.o. brings. Another interesting thing to note on this though is that firefighters/ems/police have the highest divorce rate. I wonder if this also applies when both are in the biz?
"I am now, always have been, and forever shall be, my brother's keeper."
I joined the FD because it's something I've always wanted. I have an entire family that I chose to become a part of, that we all chose to become a part of. To the public, we are superheroes - we come when no one else would, and we do the impossible - save lives and protect property. To our families, both the FD and our real families, we are only human. I cannot count how many relationships of mine have ended because the fire department seemed like it was more important. Whenever someone needs our help, we are there. In the middle of the night, we go. Christmas dinner with the family - we go. Not because we want to, but because we took the responsibility of being firefighters. No one enjoys leaving their loved ones because some moron lit their house on fire or drove off the expressway. But it is a reality that we chose to live in. It becomes a part of who we are. And I, for one, refuse to be changed because someone does not like the inconveniences my life poses. You can love me or not, I am who I am. I am a firefighter, I always will be, and no one is important enough to take that away from me. And the one person that is worth it, would never ask.
I dated a guy who was very supportive of me being in the field... Then we got married and he flaked. So now I'm separated and caring for our four week old son on my own, funny thing is I'd stay in the field versus quiting if i had it all to do again... Does that make me a bad person???
I am single and would love to find someone that is understanding of the Volunteer Service, I can not sit by and say "Hey babe, I will give up this call to be with you for the next 2 hours!", hell no especiall when I know that the call is important for public safety and that it could be one of my friends or family for that matter. Being on call 24/7 is a committment that has to be understood. If a GF/BF cant understand or just go with the flow then by all means go be with a drama momma/daddy down the street, just remember "I am on speed dial with 3 little numbers to come scrape you up when you wreck the car, or put out the fire from knocking over the Drama Love Candle!"
Is it to much to ask for someone to be understanding and be supportive of the Significant Other in the Service?
Being Single is easy to a degree, but when you want to talk to someone or have that "I just want to be held for a few!" type moment, can it be done?
I get so mad and irritated when I see the GF/BF with the jealous bone or the every 5 minute phone calls to see where they are at.
This is one of the main reasons that I have been single, because I have kicked a few women down the road for complaining that I devote so much time to the department or responding to numerous calls for the day, come on, I dont plan for anyone in my district to have an emergency to keep me away from the house on purpose.
I would love to date again, but I don't want to do the "are you going to be jealous if the fire radio/pager goes off?" or "do i need to schedule you inbetween a structure call and the 10-50 major/entrapment call?"