I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE FEELING, IT IS A STRUGGLE TO KEEP CHRIST CENTER, THE ONLY STRUGGLE IS THE DISCIPLINE. I REALLY TRY TO NOT BE SO HARD ON MYSELF IF I DO NOT GET A BOOK OR CHAPTER OF THE BIBLE IN DAILY. THE VERSES I DO KNOW I REPEAT AND I MEDITATE ON THEM. FUNNY THING IS EVEN THOUGH ITS THE SAME VERSE I GET NEW REVEALTIONS ABOUT IT EVERYTIME.
God did a miracle in my brother's life similiar to yours, he too had a tumor and was in the hospital for 6 months for recovery. He is now working as a correctional officer in a prison, he is definitely touching those guys lives with his testimony.
Thanks for sharing you story and miracle.