What is on YOUR Christmas List?

Here is my warm and fuzzy Christmas List (same as last year, and the year before, and the year before ...):

1) I wish everyone would use extreme caution when doing holiday-type things (or common sense would be appreciated ... even a wee, little, bit would be nice)! People - you do NOT have to lose your minds during this brief period of time!

2) I wish people would not forget they are cooking something! Only acceptable excuse is dementia patients; beyond that? Nope! Well, okay, if your kitchen is furnished with an excellent, state-of-the-art, foam sprinkler system; go ahead! Your food may have an odd flavor to it, but hey, that turkey will sure as hell be crispy!

3) I wish people would not light candles or sterno, then wander away! Oh, and please, oh please, do not use those lovely paper or plastic decorations around the bases! For the love of God, you idiots, they are FLAMMABLE!

4) I wish people would leave turkey frying up to the professionals ... and, if they are not chefs or firefighters; they are not professionals!

5) I wish people understood that while fires are very nice in fireplaces, despite what songs and poems say, they do not need to be roaring! If you want roaring, take it outside to a field and build a bonfire (following all proper fire safety protocol).

6) If the weather outside is frightful ... for God's sake, STAY THE HELL HOME!

Sincerely,

Safety Officer Scrooge

PS: For those of you who do not know my sense of humor - this is all in FUN! Please take it as such. I love the holidays as much as anyone else, but by this time of year, am losing my marbles and looking for the funny in it all! Merry Christmas to you all - stay safe!

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