I have been strongly considering firefighting in regards to a career change from City Planning/Urban Development. I have expressed my interests in firefighting to my girlfriend whom I live with. To say the least, she was NOT happy with my thoughts and has blaintenly told me she won't stand for it and will end the relationship if I decided to pursue that career. She feels that she won't be able to handle the possiblity of my death on a daily basis and woudln't be able emotionally stable with that possiblity. In addition, she is a Physical Therapist where she has treated firefighters with injuries. She does not want to see me hurt in any way.
I care deeply what she has said and don't want her to end the relationship if I want to be firefighter; however, I hate the profession I'm currently in and find firefighting to hold all the aspects of a career that I yearn for. Can someone please provide advice? Thanks!!!
This is the exact reason why i got divorced.... The only difference was that i was a firefighter when we met and she grew up around it.... She knew what the job entailed 18 years before we even met. So for me it was and still is easier to just simply explain the job then say "I was a Firefighter before you, and i will be a firefighter after you...." As many have already said alot of firefighters have been divorced but there are women out that that will stand by you doing the job. But if it's what you really want and she doesnt want you to you are better off kicking her to the crub trust me... You will be happier in the end.
Tell her your not happy with her being a Physical Therapist and how traumatic seeing all those long term injuries must be to her psychi....I bet she does PT cause she wants to help people she should be proud of you for wanting to do the same. I always explain to my wife how we ffs work together on scenes and how safety conscious we are etc. cause she worries too....we all do at times. But after that if she's not going to support you now it's only going to get worse...firefighting isn't a 9-5 job she needs to understand that now. Good luck!
How about a girls point of view?
Not defending an ultimatum but....she is probably frightened of what will happen to you , she sees what happens to others and can only imagine the worst.
We fear what we do not know or understand, get her down to the firehouse, see the equipment and all the safety procedures, talk to the firefighters and their families. Let her know she is not alone in worrying, that all jobs have risks but that there are also lots of rewards.
Get in a vol dept and get her involved too, if she wants to join the auxilary or maybe even the dept itself, there are exterior jobs that need doing. The more she sees that this can be done safely than she will understand that the guys/girls she treats during the day are the exception rather than the rule. BTW find out if her pts. have been telling her "war stories" things might be getting out of hand because she hears the "glorified (possibly fish tale) version of the truth.
Also, if you really want to stay together try couples therapy. Maybe your clergy person would be able to offer you some help. You don't have to be married to get counseling and it might just offer you a good base for your continued relationship.
However, all that said and done...you cannot be happy together if you are not happy with yourself.
My husband and I got married when he was a FF, I was and EMT, we have 2 kids, been married 10 yrs and now I'm on the FD too. It can be done!!!
I worried about my husband when he first got on the dept.(still do), however, I knew that he wanted to be a firefighter more than any thing, and I loved him enough to support him. If she really loves you she will get used to the idea and give you a chance to live your dream. It may even turn out like my case. I found that I loved it too and ended up joining the dept. as soon as my kid was old enough. If it's in your blood, you've got to give it a try. Like someone else said, maybe volunteer a while. That way, you will know if it is really for you, and it might give her time to adjust. By the way, none of us are promised tomorrow, when God says its time, its time regardless of what you are doing.