So what is the funniest thing you have ever said to dispatch or heard over the radio? 

 

"The roads are slicker than goose snot" (neighboring station, this still has a rolling)

 

"Standy by for clear code or you can pick one" (my station, I could not find our code book)

 

So what have you done to make dispatch laugh, shake their heads, and go "Really?"

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Recieved a fire call late one evening for "a bird with a cigarette that lit a street lamp on fire". Dispatch couldn't even finish paging out because she was laughing hysterically.
We just got back from a chimney fire this evening, and the initial scene size-up involved giving the building construction, and the phrase "It appears that everything that is living is out of the structure"
hehehe, cute
To bad someone did not get this on video! It could go viral.
I'm gonna use that. That is great!
One of the near-by departments is Crystal Beach. On several accounts, i've heard dispatchers call for 'Crystal Bitch'. It's quite funny especially when they stutter and say I mean Crystal Beach. :)
Neighboring dept. Capt. giving a size-up..."I've got fire showing from side....(long pause) Everywhere!"
(FF)Midway, we are on scene of the 169 vehicle fire. Requesting additional personnel and a tanker. (Midway) 10-4. You are requesting an areal drop for this vehicle fire?
Assistant Chief to dispatch..."TONE MY PEOPLE OUT". And yes it was said very loudly.
Wound-up ff talking too fast on the radio, officer asking to repeat again "in english please"= good laugh

2am after a long day: probie throws turnouts, jumps in, packs up...sleeps there until shift change because the call was for a neighboring dept = jokes for a month

Listening to the dispatcher repeatedly bust up laughing while she taps out a "16 y/o male with a... glowstick... stuck up his penis" = PriceLess
Got another one.

We had a medic that worked nights who was a trauma junkie. Jumped calls every chance he could. He worked an evening shift one day and started his call jumping. Even made one scene after being told to remain at post. We were transporting to the hospital when we hear the radio key up and the primary dispatcher in the background, " I don't care who this SOB thinks he is, but if he jumps one more call I'm gonna personally kick his azz!" and it closed. She would have done it too, barely kept her job.
This one was on police net. I knew that a few of the cops went to the local waffle house and put in an application with one of the cops' names on it as a prank. I was listening to the radio and the cop came over and said "very funny guys, I just got a call from Waffle house." Then another cop came over and said "they said you were disqualified because you still have all your teeth." I laughed so hard.

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