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Inter-department Relationships
I was just wondering what everyone's views are on the topic of relationships between members of the same department. It seems to me that so long as both individuals remain appropriate at appropriate times (ie meetings, formal functions, PR events, calls) that there sould not and should not be an issue. Granted, issues of any rank differences may ultimately cause discussion, but assuming both indivuals are of the same rank and are not allowing themselves to be continually distracted at times when attention is required, are there issues?
Does anyone's department have SOPs or SOGs or even By-Laws prohibiting such actions, or adding restrictions and guidelines to those that are on the same dept and in relationships?
Does anyone's department have SOPs or SOGs or even By-Laws prohibiting such actions, or adding restrictions and guidelines to those that are on the same dept and in relationships?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dominic Giovannone on
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i dont think there should be anything wrong with it if its done right. but it may cause problems if something were to happen and the couple split up yet still had to work together and do their job. not sure how that would go but other than that i dont feel that it should be an issue
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Permalink Reply by Yee on
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I haven't seen anything in the By-Laws at my station. We have 4 couples in our station. Granted at times it is a little uncomfortable to be around some of em because of the PDA they show. The rank differences do cause trouble. We have a EMS captain dating a FF/EMT. She hates going on calls with him because he tells her everything she is doing wrong and not helping her with it. He is the type of person that is going to step in and take over weather you like it or not. Personally, I do not mind relationships within the same dept. I have been in the situation and when i decide to date a FF in my station I tell him, "Inside the station I am not your girlfriend. I am just another fellow firefighter." I think some couples need to know when to keep their relationships away from the station. Don't be all over your significant other while around a bunch of people, no one wants to see that.
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Permalink Reply by lutan1 on
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I met my wife as a vol.
I had been a vol for a few years when she came one night to join. We hit it off within weeks and low and behold, here we are now married with 2 beautiful girls.
The ruling for our Unit was that we could not respond on the same job if we had children. The reason being in case we were both hurt or killed, who would look after them
Was there tension? Hell yes! Especially when I was promoted to a more senior rank and had to pull her up on scene for a few things, but the tension never came out whilst on scene- only upon return or at home.
But as a general rule, we got on OK.
In terms of disciplinary action, neither of us were involved in action against each other- we always had a more senior officer perform that duty. (Does that make sense?)
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Permalink Reply by Aaron Wepking on
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I can see where that issue might arise, but that would, I should hope, stem from both parties being mature enough to be professional. Thanks for the input!
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Permalink Reply by Rae Ann Ozelis on
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From my view, I find it a really bad idea. Way too much can happen. Break ups would be hell.
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The PDA thing would go right along with the professionalism idea, as there is a time and place. The statement about the inside the station thing is precisely how it should be, with perhaps minor exceptions during any fund raising activities that it might be somewhat suitable for but always with due consideration to extremely mild PDA types of things. Obviously, two firefighters making out and such would be well over the line, but say you have a dance or similar function, then I would think it acceptable if the couple were to dance in *appropriate* ways. Thanks for your response!
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Congrats on a happy, thriving marriage, as well as the two kids =)
Your response makes a great deal of sense, especially with a bit about the kids, as that could be an extremely bad situation.
In regards to rank, are you referring to correcting possible errors, constructive criticism, and things of that nature? I cans ee for certain where that could cause tension, but at the same time it seems it was handle in a more appropriate setting. I would think tensions would ultimately end up a great deal higher were you to not correct such behavior.
Thanks for your views and congrats once again on finding passion in passion, so to speak =)
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Permalink Reply by Kimberly A Bownas on
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My ex-husband and I belong to the same department and we have know problems working together in the department. I am now remarried and the deputy chief is my husband. We work well together and I respect him as an officer and he respects me as a firefighter and EMT. I don't see a problem with it as long as they keep personal problems at home and don't bring them to the department.
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Re the corrective actions- I would pull her up on scene for minor stuff (ie: incorrect PPE, doing something unsafe) but if it was more than that, I always handballed it up the food chain.
Ultimately I still initiated it, but I wasn't the one to handle it directly- it was just too hard....
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Permalink Reply by FETC on
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We are a full-time department, we have a neputism policy, NO relatives either. No, I'm the Chiefs kid and nobody can touch me crap...
We also have a no relationship policy, if you have both male and female firefighters who work closely together, (ie. live and work together) it at times can blossom into more than just a work relationship. Which I have also seen first hand how ugly break-ups can tear a crew apart... or wives coming into the house to rip their man's head off because of internal relationships, etc.
Let me tell you that dealing with this is just a pain in the bottom. OK, before everyone starts hammering me on "Well my volunteer department is all relatives"... I didn't say it was right or wrong, I just said we have lived through many bad times (like lawsuits, divorces, bad publicity) and it is our current policy to curb potential risks.
Actually go to the "Sex in the Firehouse" forum and read my two page response as to why I feel relationships in the firehouse is a bad idea...
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The break ups depend on the maturity of the people. I dated a guy in the station I'm at now, we realized it isn't going to so work we broke it off. Now we are the two you always see on the engine pounding fists en route to the call. Right now I am talking to someone from a different company, we are finding it easier to just help out at eachothers companies (fundraisers etc.) and keeping our relationship still out off the fire companies. Granted, I have ran a few calls with him at his station, but no one thinks nothing of it because I was there at the right time.
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I can definately see the points being made on break ups and things of that nature, at the same time, one would think that as members of the fire service and that which we deal with would require enough focus and maturity to enable (most) of us to say to themselves, hey, I gave that a chance, it didn't work. There are far too many times within a career a person will look back at a bad call or incident and have the chance to ask themselves what if.
I also think that, despite the risks that might be involved by the fact that relationships, more often than not, come to an end, the positive side of having someone thre who knows first hand what it is like, the demands and the stresses of the job outside of duty would make it a lot easier to discuss and de-stress after the bad days.
Besides that, it saves the trouble of having to explain to someone why you had to suddenly cancel your plans because of a call, or why, when you got up to go to the restroom, you were running out the door buttoning your pants. Gotta keep humor rolling a little bit.
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