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Only a Southerner Knows - Reference for those above the Mason/Dixon line
THis is just cute & I had to pass it along. I had a chat with someone the other day who said I sounded VERY SOUTHERN. Ok, Southern OHIO. I was @ a class once where 1 instructor was from New York & the other from North Carolina. I understand both languages.
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful breakfast foods; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know y'all got here as fast as y'all could
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful breakfast foods; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know y'all got here as fast as y'all could
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Damon Dyer on
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That kinda stuff is everywhere you got to have pretty thin skin to let that make you mad .
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Permalink Reply by Jason on
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Ben it takes more then that to make me mad or bother me..Yes i am from Dayton/Middletown area of Ohio. My mom and dad are from the same area.been here in Gray Court, South Carolina since i was 5..The Last Time i was in Ohio was for the death of my Granny and i couldnt stand it. I couldnt breath the air smelled and i was ready to get back home to the clean country air. and in the site it said about the way people drive from Ohio what about the way southerns drive in the snow, they cant..and i dont care if people call me a Damn Yankee cause for it to bother me means i would have to care and in my book i might had been born in OH but i am just a good ole county boy that lives on a farm..
Jason
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Permalink Reply by 144Truck on
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I am a life long Northerner.... And I can tell you.... Being a redneck isn't the state you live in, it's your state of MIND. The North has it's fair share for certain.....
As far as poking fun at one's regional affiliation.... I have the book "How to Speak Yankee" in my humor library and found it to be quite humorous.
My point is, humor is humor...... As long as its' ugly step-sister doesn't show up...
Humor certainly lives at most every firehouse I'VE seen
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Permalink Reply by Jenny Holderby on
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I've never seen that before. Interesting. I don't find it offensive. It is somewhat humorous but since I am from Ohio, I don't "get" some of the jokes. I'm sure that everyone down there finds them exceptionally funny. But they aren't talking about ME and I have met some people who were born & raised in OH that I wonder where & how they came about thier views on the world. I wasn't aware that so many people from Ohio were moving to that area. I myself love going south, it is a very nice place to vacation. I was born & raised right here. I've never wanted to move anywhere else. When I was first married we spent some time in northern Indianna. I wanted to come home. I love the hills & the river & the people.
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Tony,
I have pretty much come to the same conclusion myself. I have spent way too much time trying to appease someone who evidentially can not be appeased. I doubt that I will EVER post any other "HUMOR" because I am afraid of offending people. Someone made someone else or they appointed themselves the person who says what if funny or offensive here. They have also been assigned or appointed themselves as the grammer/spelling compliance officer who seems to enjoy pointing out errors & belittling people & trying to make them feel inferior or small.
Up to this point, I had throughly enjoyed being a member of FFN & reading & sharing opinions & views & learning how others do things. Thanks to everyone who saw my side of this conversation but I do think it is time we ended it.
Have a great day.
Jen
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Permalink Reply by Melissa on
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I really enjoyed reading your post and got quite a chuckle out of it. I'm from Ohio but have family in the south. I forwarded this to them and they really enjoyed it. I'm not sure why anyone would be offended by it unless they have really thin skin. I've found that you can't have thin skin and take offense at everything or you'll go through life upset about everything. I've also found that while at the fire dept there is a strong sense of family, there is also a lot of teasing. You have to be able to handle that and not take offense or you won't get along well as a team. As my dad always told me, "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't take the time to tease you"! I'm not sure I believed him at the time, but now I realize it's true, if you don't like someone, you won't make the effort to tease them. If you quit taking offense at everything, then you will enjoy life a lot more.
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Permalink Reply by BillySFCVFD on
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Jen,
Hopefully the lesson here is not our message but the delivery of that message. This is a great site for learning. Thanks for getting the lesson started although not intentionally but with harmless humor. I'll read your humor anytime you post it. TCSS
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Permalink Reply by mike angle on
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i'm am southern born and southern breed. and it sounds to me like mr. ben waller needs to get a life and lightin up on life
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Permalink Reply by Ben Waller on
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Jenny,
I've previously posted that I understood that you intended humor and that no offense was intended. All I wanted to do was to point out that it's the content of the post that matters - it's very difficult to read intent one way or the other into some things that get posted on the internet, and that what you posted can be percieved as offensive by some people. The fact that you won a popularity vote from FFN members, many of who are not southerners and some of whom aren't even from the U.S. doesn't mean that there are no other southerners who might take offense.
I'm a lifelong southerner, and I have met a few people that have the cultural habits or dialect you pointed out, but there are a lot that don't. In the general news media, the cultural habits and dialect you pointed out are seen to indicate that southerners are ignorant, uneducated bumpkins...especially when it comes from someone who is clearly not a southerner.
It's clear that you understand that now. Thank you.
Ben
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To many people are trying to make a mountain out of a molehill . That is what this has turned out to be their was no harm meant or taken by most of this . Jenny do not quit contributing on here it was funny and it is good to have some humor in our lives . If you are so thin skinned as to have this bother you it might be good to stay at home cause this world is full of bothersome junk .
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