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Only a Southerner Knows - Reference for those above the Mason/Dixon line
THis is just cute & I had to pass it along. I had a chat with someone the other day who said I sounded VERY SOUTHERN. Ok, Southern OHIO. I was @ a class once where 1 instructor was from New York & the other from North Carolina. I understand both languages.
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful breakfast foods; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know y'all got here as fast as y'all could
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful breakfast foods; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know y'all got here as fast as y'all could
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Brian Dumser on
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I didn't think the post was inappropriate at all. I've lived all over the U.S. both north and south. I could probably add some to the list, but I don't want to incur Ben's wrath! Stay safe all y'all!
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Permalink Reply by Nicholi69 on
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Could Ben have anything more to say about everything. see i dont care about hurting his feelings his wrath is the last thing im worried about incurring You Cant Fix Stupid
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Permalink Reply by BillySFCVFD on
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Whoa young man. This post wasn't offensive until now. Please learn to post your opinions with out insults. TCSS
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Permalink Reply by Ben Waller on
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Given the mispellings, incorrect punctuation, and poor grammar in that post, I completely agree with your closing comment.
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Nicholi, I'm pretty worried about the country being in the shape it's in.
In fact, I'm so worried about it that I developed a short quiz regarding the most likely reasons that the country is in that shape.
1. The reason that our country's economy is in the shape that it is is due to;
a) The collapse of the sub-prime housing market bubble
b) People like me who dislike offensive public comments
2. A contributing factor to the country's trade deficit is;
a) China's currency manipulation to increase the value of their exports to the U.S. while decreasing the value of U.S. exports to China.
b) People like me who dislike offensive public comments.
3. The primary reason for current U.S. energy policy problems is;
a) A decades-old dependence on foreign oil as a primary energy source.
b) People like me who dislike offensive public comments.
4. A major contributing factor to wasteful government spending is;
a) Congressional earmarks
b) Pork-barrel spending legislation
c) People like me who dislike offensive public comments.
5. Freedom of speech really means;
a) Making fun of other people based on regional, racial, ethnic, religious, or other stereotypes
b) Pointing out that making statements like "get over yourself" is the antithesis of freedom of speech.
6. The definition of "True Southerner" is;
a) Someone who enjoys humor based on stereotypes and ridicule of other people.
b) Someone who has no tolerance for other people's opinions if they disagree.
c) Someone who resides in the South and who publically takes sides with an Ohioan while posting an attack on another Southerner.
d) All of the above
Feel free to take the quiz and get back to me.
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Hmmm, you haven't answered any of my questions wondering if you substituted another group in your attempt at humor how it would be percieved. Why is that?
I don't want to make any assumptions, so I'll wait on a reply.
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Ben,
I'm not choosing sides I just don't think these posts should draw in anger then insults. Others may be wrong or right but that is their opinion. When people can't match wits they lash out. Please know when you might escalate a post to a level where anger might be an issue then either stop responding or change your mentoring strategy. People won't absorb your message if you make them mad. I read your posts and learn from most and obviously not with some. Keep up your informative fire fighting related posts. TCSS
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Permalink Reply by A.J. on
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great post jenny like my southern grandmother has always told me everyone is entitled to their own opinions however some people should just keep their opinions to their selves. Im from North Carolina home of Moonshiners NASCAR, Sundrop (Soft Drink), Carolina Tarheels, Appalachain State Mountaneers, howdy yall, bless his heart, ETC... (also im related in one way or another to most people in my community by blood or by marriage. which is not a bad thing (most of the time lol) so ben if you cant take a light hearted joke im sorry but i didnt find it offensive at all the only thing she forgot to add was Pimento cheese, Livermush, and as i mentioned before sundrop God Bless all ya'll and keep fighting fires and saving lives and property.
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Permalink Reply by Jenny Holderby on
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Ben,
My "ATTMEPT" @ humor wasn't MINE. It was an email who's origin I am not completely aware of. You have made an assumption, you assume that there was an intent of mallice & ill will on my part. You don't know me. You have no clue what type of person I am. I HAVE explained that in my opinion, and I am entitled to mine as well as you are to your own, what I posted was actually in praise of a geographical area. I don't understand your question so it is difficult to answer. You have an explaination & an appology to ANYONE & EVERY ONE who found my post offensive. Is it me particularly that you find offensive? I don't know what you want me to say.
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Jenny,
I believe your explanation that you didn't intend the post maliciously, but it did show up on FFN with your name attached to it. If I understand correctly, you actually just forwarded a piece of email spam humor to FFN??
Ben
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Permalink Reply by Tony P on
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Jenny, I think that most respondants to this thread have voted that they didn't find your hunour offensive. You have given a blanket apology to any person(s) who may have been offended. I'd just leave it at that if I was you. Ben is never going to be happy with your original post and probably none of your subsequent posts in this thread. He's entitled to his opinion. As I think all of us are.
PS. If you get hold of a similar bit of hunour about my dialect, post it. I'm willing to bet we'll laugh at it here in Oz. After all, we laughed at the Crocodile Dundee films, and the language in them bore very little relationship to the language as she's spoken down here!
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Jason,
Just curious, have you seen this? http://gobacktoohio.com/
Would you consider it offensive, humorous, or somewhere in between?
I'd appreciate hearing how you feel about it.
Thanks,
Ben
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