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Closing a discussion?
The firefighter's wives thread was closed after the OP threw a shot at those who did agree with his sugary, saccharine sweet opinion.
By utilizing acerbic verbiage and antagonistic tone, they show they care not about those who may hold opinions differing from their own. but rather focus on how best to demonstrate their combustible intolerance and inability to accept and move on.
There is a larger story here. These brothers and sisters have axes to grind from previous run-ins and are only too eager to use your discussion posts as their grinders. They thrive on spending an inordinate amount of time scouring your well-meaning posts for targets and pounce to fulfill their childish needs.
From the last post by the OP....
<b><i>I must say I am disappointed in the attitudes and methods some of our brother and sister firefighters have chosen to use in "participation" of our well-meaning post.
By utilizing acerbic verbiage and antagonistic tone, they show they care not about those who may hold opinions differing from their own. but rather focus on how best to demonstrate their combustible intolerance and inability to accept and move on.
There is a larger story here. These brothers and sisters have axes to grind from previous run-ins and are only too eager to use your discussion posts as their grinders. They thrive on spending an inordinate amount of time scouring your well-meaning posts for targets and pounce to fulfill their childish needs.
Pitiful, sad, and uncharacteristic of true brothers and sisters who share valuable insight in an effort to become better at what we do. </b></i>
You gotta love the irony in the underlined section...
The fact is... firefighters tend to have a high divorce rate. There is no ifs, ands or buts about that... on my group alone, there are 6 who are divorced (one of them twice) and another that ended a long term relationship. I went though a period in the late 1980's where I was standing at the intersection of Separation Road and Divorce Drive. Luckily, my wife and I were able to work it out.
Some firefighters have to work 2 jobs or more if they want to put their kids through college or move to a nicer neighborhood. Working OT and a second job does take its toll on family life... especially when the spouse complains about the firefighter not being home often enough but can't wait until the checks are deposited in the accounts on payday.
That, brothers and sisters, is the stark reality of some of us face... if people want to look at the world through the rose colored glasses.. they may find themselves blindsided by reality someday. By offering differing opinions... the "axe grinders" ARE sharing valuable insight to become better spouses and parents.
Replies are closed for this discussion.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Fire Critic on
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Unquestionably? No not exactly. I don't agree with him engaging you. Let that be clear.
However, I still can't get over your thoughts on the matter of firefighter spouses. Am I allowed to disagree with you?
My wife is very "special". I am a firefighter. She is a firefighter wife. Your sentiments basically said that my wife is no different than any other. On the contrary though. I have a GREAT wife. Some of what my wife so great is here ability to hold the fort down while I am gone for 24 hours. This also helped when I was a Union officer which was another part of me being a firefighter. -
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Permalink Reply by WestPhilly on
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FireCritic,
Wouldn't you feel the same about your wife if you weren't a firefighter? An over-the-road trucker, maybe? -
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Permalink Reply by Ron Ayotte on
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My wife is special to me, too... but I don't feel the need to shout it from the rooftops, nor would she want me doing that...
She's been there for me, and I have been there for her...even during the "rough patches" in the road
As a matter of fact.. she would rather stay "behind the scenes" and does not want the attention... in my 29 +years on the job, she has come by the station only a handful of times and has been to a few retirement parties. She has come to a fire just once.. and it was because t happened to be in the neighborhood and my son (10 at the time) wanted to spark it.
One must keep in mind that there are firefighters with significant others, some of them of them in same sex partnerships. Are their relationships any less special? -
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Permalink Reply by Richard Armstrong on
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I missed the original post but it sounds like it may have been a dooosy!The wives are very special and mine is very loving and understaanding when it comes to fire.She may get upset when the pager goes off when you are in a discussion or arguement or at a family get together but she understands as they all do.For most they met you when you were a firemen and others had to grow acustomed to it after you became one but I think they are all very important in our lives and they are willing to listen when you've came home from a bad call and you need to get something out.Not giving my NEW wife up for anything.They actually probably don't get enough thanks for what they have to endure!
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Permalink Reply by Michael Meadows on
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"Also I said that you MAY not love your wife as I do my fiancee'. Not worse just different and perhaps me expressing sorrow for that was over the top." Jack this what I said I tend to like cut and paste with quotations rather than boldface type. Tends to make things a little more accurate don't you think? Also gotta love the whole "he who must not be named" bs. Go ahead and name me Jack I do not hide never have and never will. But since you just must keep this crap going I'm going to try to play "mindreader". First of all I think Kali either A: lost a man to a woman at a firehouse and is bitter about or B: tried to take a man and it failed and she's bitter about it. But it pretty obvious from her posts that she's pretty bitter about something. And that has nothing to do with the nature of the human female body but I guess since you are such a wonderful mindreader you already knew that. And since me and you had a disagreement in a prior discussion I suppose you wanted to come after me again. Of course I know exactly what discussions are and I know how to have them in a respectful way and I know how to have them in disrespectful ways. Pretty much all I have seen from you in several discussions is disrespect for any position other than your own. I can play that way although I prefer not. Sometimes I do get a little emotional but like I have said before I am working on it but I'm only human. And sometimes I do make mistakes but I do own up to them. When I make them.
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Whatever personal situation that Kali has is no business of yours...
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Permalink Reply by Jack/dt on
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LOL wow you really are all about yourself. The he who shall not be named...refers to the webchief who tends to shut down these type of rancorous discussions, not you. Get over yourself. Had I wanted to mention you by name I would have, not exactly like I would have been afraid to. Thought I would spare you the embarrassment was all. You on the other have cleared up that matter for all to see.
Also, you seem to fail to understand that in the other discussion, I found your comment about 'not loving my wife as others do' as offensive and a personal attack. When I next called you on that, you denied having written those words and had the temerity to claim you had said "may not love." Please how arrogant are you going to be to have clearly written one thing yet then flatly denied. And please don't attempt to patronize me, I see very clearly where you are coming from.
Let me take it one step further and say that your comment about me "not loving my wife...." is offensive, rude, arrogant and condescending. That you don't see that, much less bother to make even the slightest attempt of apology shows me the true measure of yourself.
Even if you were (and understand that it is only a way to begin this comment) a trained psychologist you still could not in any way arrive at the actual dumbass conclusion you've come to. You are playing junior shrink and a speculative game at best, your conclusions actually more enlightening of your own way of thinking that anything Kali might have done. Consider this: She (like myself) may just not have any patience for sanctimonious knuckleheads and find their posts and replies to be tedious at best and at worst personally irritating. One's presumed "bitterness" may in fact be nothing more than impatience and irritation at with people who think they know it all.
The fact that you've again pointed out how you will step back or not play that game is nothing but disingenuous on your part. Were you in fact honest about that then you would not have bothered to have responded in here. And let me make this clear to you, I did not go after you in here, YOU brought you own name into this. I merely wrote out the contradictory statements you made in regard to the insult you threw at me. I'm surprised in all of your enlightenment you have yet to understand that.
Finally, what have we seen from you? Beyond your fawning and kiss ass replies you've somehow appointed yourself as sheriff 'round these here parts? Hardly. The fact that you would insult a man about how he loves his wife really sums you up for the (little) man you truly are. What a maroon. -
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Jack when did I deny anything? As a matter of fact, as stated in the quotes above I even stated that it was "over the top". As for it being all about me....hello kettle this is pot lmao. Ron that may be true but if Jack can play mindreader why oh why can't I? I stand by my statements here and, right or wrong, I said them. I'm nowhere close to sheriff here but neither are you Jack. Please try to remember that.
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Permalink Reply by John Crabbe on
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Ok, then how should I tactfully say that the objections of firefighter wives to "other women" sleeping in the firehouse was often mentioned as a reason women should not be "allowed" to be firefighters?
How do I tactfully point out that firefighter wives must gracefully deal with the fact that there might be younger and cuter badge bunnies tempting their husbands on an ongoing basis...
Some good points to consider. I browsed the other thread and thought it was another "feel good" type of thread and also thought is a FF's spouse really "special", especially considering some other occupations which may put much more starin on a relationship; military, fishermen, truck drivers, sales with a lot of travel, etc. Really for the most part career FF's are gone for a 24 hour shift, barring OT or trades. Volunteers do have the option of choosing to go or not. Yes, there is a possibilty of injury and even death, but the stuff about a spouse "picking up the slack" and so forth, c'mon. Unless one is a wildland FF gone for weeks at a time, there are many other occupations that could be considered more stressing on a relationship than a FF's. Yet, I don't think I've seen a big deal made out of such spouses of fishermen, truck drivers, etc.
That said, what Kali brings up here seldomly, or ever, gets brought up in such discussions, yet many times those "special FF spouses" are the ones perpetuating such issues. This isn't just wives either, our dept had a woman FF who did a year on the job before resigning to go back to school. From a couple other of the women FF's she confided in, one of the big issues was her boyfriend didn't like the fact that she was around all these other guys and even sleeping in the same dorm. Yet, like asked, how does one address something like this tactfully? As a FF it is easy to say "I just view them as another FF" type of thing, but how do you reassure it? Is it really true? Especially with a few beers down and one isn't in a uniform, it is easy to look at someone different because you don't see them like that too often, and it can be easy for a spouse to pick up on that, and talk, even worse when rumors get thrown around. -
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Permalink Reply by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on
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Ron, unfortunately some will always have an axe to grind an use public places to spread their "LOVE".
If your around long enough you will know who they are and expect their "Valuable" input on most discussions.
However, with all things you take the good with the bad an see only what you want to see and ignore the BS.
Kinda like ignoring the white noise an hearing the melodies.
In my 30 years in the service I have seen many relationships come and go as a result of all things considered to the job. My own life was touched by it. Thankfully after 12 years apart my wife and I found each other again and were re-married 3 years ago. I am so blessed by her forgiveness an understanding.
Many a Chief and firefighter has went down the big D road and never recovered.
I am extremely thankful for my wife and children an their support. I am what I am because of their love, support and backing me. -
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Yes.
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Permalink Reply by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on
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Gonzo's Creed:
* An appreciation of the job, respect for those who did the job while you were still in diapers and the sacrifices made by those who preceeded us.
* A willingness to honor the past, think outside of the box, challenge the future, train and learn new stuff (in other words....building more crust! )
* A willingness to take the next generation under your wing and show them the true path to firefighting enlightenment...making them "pup proof"
* A dislike for "mutts".
* A love of leather helmets! (it's okay if you don't have one, ya just gotta love them! )
* Doing your time as a "lower than whale scat probie" without complaints or regrets.
* Crawling down a long, smokey hallway with zero visibility.
* Knowing what it's like to be on the other side of an opposing hose stream.
* Working together to make the job better rather than fight among each other!
* Respecting each other in the true spirit of brotherhood/sisterhood. -
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