I've had a lot of people ask me what I thought love was or is or what it means. I've been trying to figure out exactly where i stand on that and still dont know. I know what I think it should be but that doesnt make it so. There are so many different kinds of love.
My true and complete love is for my children. They are my world. I would lay down my life for them without a second thought. They make me want to be the best me i can possibly be. I think that is the closest thing I will ever have to a perfect love.
I love my parents and brothers and would be lost without them in my life, even as crazy as they are. Perfect love? No but close. We've been to hell and back and are still close. Believe me when i say we put the funk in disfunctional. But i love them none the less.
I know I had a true love in my first love and always will. I have missed him everyday since he went away. I always wonder where he is and pray he's happy.
I loved someone else for 25 years, or i thought i did, but that didn't work out too well. Now we don't even talk even if we come face to face somewhere. Probably just as well.
I'm still left with the question of what love really means to me. Is it just caring about someone and not wanting anything bad to happen them? Maybe. Is it an all consuming, mind altering experience? Maybe. Should it ever be mixed with being best friends? Never unless you want to lose both.
We all search for it but we're all looking for something different, in my opinion. As for me, I have stopped looking for now. I have too many wounds that need to heal before I can be what anyone would want or deserve. Love gone wrong leaves deep and lasting scars and some we never recover from. We just do our best to get from one day to the next.
So love for me is the love i have for my children, family, and close friends. That's ok for me right now while I take the time to heal. Yes there are still people I love but that is a story for another time. I wish them well and hope and pray for the good things in life to come their way. I have regrets that they are no longer in my life but that doesn't mean i didn't love them the best i knew how at the time. I hope we all find the kind of love we want and deserve...I'm just not holding my breath for mine.