Hello my fellow brothers and sisters. I want to honestly ask you guys a question. I've been on the job for 7 years now. Been in a lot of fires and seen some crazy things from time to time. But today something happened to me that scared me to the point where I didnt know what to think or do about it.
We have a orientee with us this month and we were doing a simple evolution of "follow the hose out". This time we did it at the park, under the slide in the tubes, down the stairs...where ever we could fit we put the hose. Well...to make a long story short, after the new guy went through, the crew started to pack things up. Because i always want to better myself, I wanted to go. I packed out and was pumped up ready to go. So I busted through the gates and made my way out. Half way through I started to just get winded, I couldn't regulate my breathing and for the worst part started to freak out and ripped off my mask. The whole crew was pissed off because I didn't finish it and I now looked like an ass in front of the whole crew. The crew didnt even do it, they just started with there mouth and packed up hose. I dont know...This is really screwing me up. I've always been a healthy guy and think of my crew like my family. I have pulled people out of fires and always got the job done. But just this time I didn't make it.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever doubted yourself? Let me know. Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself.

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First off - don't worry about everyone else and their opinion - you need to first and foremost worry about your health. This is not a matter of social bs - this is a matter of you being safe and you being safe on scene.Don't listen to those people that want to tear at you when you are trying to solve this.


Second off - you are being too hard on yourself! Like any other problem that arises - you just need a game plan to identify the cause and create a plan to treat it so it does not happen again. Don't beat yourself up, that is just counter-productive use of time.

Any of us that have served a while all end up experiencing health issues - even if it is a cold which is annoying the hell out of us on scene.

Have you had a complete physical lately - complete with cardiac workup and stress test and blood work?
Change in medication recently? Taking cold / flu medication?
Perhaps you have undiagnosed asthma or diabetes? Low iron? Dehydration?
Did you have an anxiety attack?
Emotional stress in your life - makes physical stress overwhelming. (Family crisis, recent death, divorce, etc.)
A simple sinus infection or allergic reaction or other airway compromise could cause the same reaction.

There are many many many things that could trigger this same response.

Tell us more what you might have been thinking at the time - where you feeling fear? where you feeling claustrophobic? Was it a thought that triggered the physical response or the physical response that triggered the thoughts?

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One of my best friend's died suddenly at age 22 - he had just passed a physical the week before his death - healthy worked as a nurse and FF... he just blacked out and then died suddenly one day not during physical activity... autopsy showed he had an UNDIAGNOSED enlarged heart - genetic abnormality... it was later reported by his mother, that he told her he had blacked out 2 times in the past 6 months (which probably really meant 200 times) and thought it was stress and lack of sleep and working 100+ hours per week

MAYBE THIS INCIDENT WAS A MEDICAL WARNING
Ever have an anxiety attack?
Family history anything related to cardio or pulmonary issues?
Are you career or volunteer? What is your other job(s)?
Were you breathing harder than normal initially?
Were you getting after it recklessly and faster than normal because you know its a controlled enviroment?
Upper respiratory infection?
Cold?
Hyperventilation?
Do you smoke? Even cigars?
What time of year was it?
Was your air on all the way?
Ever experience claustrophobia?

Tell those guys to go piss off! They are making fun out of a nervous reaction because we ALL question our physical strength on this job. it made them uncomfortable and thats how Alpha personalities deal with anxiety in our social culture of the fire service. They will not question your ability if they are real brothers!
Heather and Lapo are right, get checked out. But you can ride them by say YOU actually tried it. They got pissed off, "questioning if they could do it", and loaded hose. It's better to find any problem on the training ground then at a job. If physically everything checks out, try it again. I don't know other states training procedures but in NY state, we have a mask confidence class. When I took it I had 13 years as a volunteer and several hundred hours of training time. I got half way through and had to stop and think "calm down, feel around and re orientate your self stupid. And STOP SUCKING ALL YOUR AIR!" Twenty seconds later I was re focused and completed the maze. (We used our hoods backwards and taped to the mask to blind us.) No real Brother will ever fault another for trying. Hell maybe knowing it was training caused some anxiety.
Heather, Awesome response. Yes there are many things that could have triggered this. Even simple lack of sleep will trigger different emotions.

J.D.
GREAT POINTS LAPO !

A couple especially struck me...

Were you getting after it recklessly and faster than normal because you know it was a controlled enviroment?

It is true - we can get too over-confident in drills that we forget the basic practices. If you are in a burning building there is no one ragging on you and you are in real danger - so you have to channel your energy better. And can not approach it in an overly aggressive manner - assuming the task may be super easy.

SUPER GOOD POINT... SPOT ON... TELL THEM TO PISS OFF !!!

Tell those guys to go piss off! They are making fun out of a nervous reaction because we ALL question our physical strength on this job. it made them uncomfortable and thats how Alpha personalities deal with anxiety in our social culture of the fire service.

Plus none of them stood up to even attempt the drill... so they have NO ROOM to talk.

Yeah and like Jason reflected - the other guys are really questioning if they could do the task. There are certain people that in order to feel bigger will try to make others feel smaller. It is a form of bullying - don't fall for that bs - you manned up and kept pushing your skills - while they did not - they should be jealous of you and your desire to grow.
I remember when I was in a volunteer training class at the training center back in the 70s and we were doing the maze. I was just wondering what I was encountering in the dark and then acourse the instructor was watching everyone from the center of the room. It was a surprise to suddenly have him standing over you asking what you are doing. I made it out, but a member of another fire company paniced and fell down the little ladder and almost kicked other people trying to get out. He was forced to crawl from the maze building all the way back to the main building in SCBA and turnouts. Maybe about 100 feet or better. I had live fire training on a old house and someone said to get the fire behind me and I turned the nozzle back at the door I came in and people were ducking and diving away from the door and I am sure I hit someone and they were ready to push me through the floor into the ground and then throw me through the door. I was just a 130 pound kid and had members that could pickup a couch by themselfs and carry it around for an hour .
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for all your kind words. Sitting down and reading each of your comments puts things in perspective. Its true, I have been sick, not sleeping and have been going through some major stress issues for the past year. I just thought I had a hold of it and it didn’t bother me. To answer some of the questions, Yes: I am paid. Yes: I have heart problems, cancer, diabetes and other health problems that run in my family. Its kind of hard to think of me being 30yo and having some issues like that. But we should know…anything can happen at anytime.
I will continue work and strive to be the best I can be. This is truly the reason why I became a firefighter, to see people that I don’t even know (You All) help in such a big way. I can’t thank you guys enough for that. I’m on tomorrow and will keep my head up and do what I got to do. As for my crew of 5 years, they should know me better then that. I will take this is a sign and get checked out. If everything comes out ok. Watch out!!!! I’m blowin the roof of this mother!! LOL j/k

Take care, Be Safe…and Happy Holidays!!
i agree with heather. we arent on top of our game always, we are human. all we can do is train, learn from our mistakes/ourselves and others. health is always an upkeep too

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