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Spouses of Volunteer Firefighters ,How do you do it?
I am a Firefighter for a large dept.My wife watches out the window when I leave in the middle of the night and and is usually listening to the call we are on.My daughter is also on the dept. and goes with me.My wife knows that anything can happen at any time that could devastate the family in 1 call.How does your spouse of family react when you leave in the middle of the night?God Bless you all and be safe.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jenny Holderby on
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Anything could devistate your family at any time. I lost my baby sister to a heart attack when she was 28 yrs old. Less than 2 yrs later, my mom had the flu & then a coronary. The firefighters in the family are still around. Maybe a bit more careful & watch out for eachother.
Before I became a ff, I used to go with my husband. I stayed @ the station to dispatch. After my daughter was born, often one of the other wives would call & we'd chat on the phone until the men got back to the station.
After my son was born, I didn't respond @ night after the kids had gone to bed. Then they started hearing the alerts & would come to make sure I was going. If it happened to be a structure fire, they knew the drill. I had a station wagon, my son would grab his pillow & blanket and be in the car before I was. I ran the kids 4 blocks over to my mom's house. My brothers & sister would come out to get in the car if they hadn't already left, they were Jrs.
I didn't usually run on anything but structure fires when they were younger when it was late.
When my daughter was about 14 I would wake her enough to let her know I was leaving. Usually they both got up & went to my bed to wait for me to come home. The area we lived in was a safe neighborhood. My kids have literally grown up in the FD.
When my husband & I both respond, we don't ride on the same truck. These days I drive my POV to scenes. I rarely get to the station fast enough to catch a truck. Im the Saftey Officer & I usually stop to grab drinking water & check on scene to see what eles if anything they need. The kids are both adults now, living @ home, one in college one in nursing school & working. I try to keep the pager low enough that it doesn't disturb them but I always hear "Careful Momma, Love you." Then from the other "Love you careful, call if you need." I understand sleepy speak.
Both my brothers are fire fighters. One wife used to fuss & him & call him 15x saying their son was crying and he needed to get his priorities straight. She talked the boy into being upset. My brother left the dept. They divorced. He's back now.
My other sister in law listens to the calls. Both their children were born into the craziness so they rarely wake up. Often she & other wives get on the computer to chat w/each other on IM.
We've also lost some good firefighters because their wives just couldn't take it.
Let her go to a couple of calls & watch. Once she understands more about what you do, she will understand why you do it and that you are trained to do what you do & not be as apprehensive about it.
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Permalink Reply by ROOKIELZ on
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I always use to kiss my hubby at the door and tell him to be careful and I Love You. Then it would take me a long time to settle back down again. I seldom got back to sleep, I would listen for the sound of him coming back in the door.
As much as I totally supported him and was proud of him, I still worried.
Problem solved; I am now on the Dept. and have been for the past seven years.
About two years ago, the shoe was on the other foot. He couldn't make the call due to work obligations. He couldn't go back to sleep after I left either. He had a long, tiring day at work. It was then that it hit home what life had been like for me.
There isn't much you can do; either the spouse gets used to it over time and it no longer bothers them or the spouse continues to go through it. You will need to realize that it makes a long time of waiting, praying and wondering until you get home and that it reduces sleep time for the spouse as much as for the firefighter. Worrying can produce much wear and tear on the mind and body; your spouse may end up as exhausted as you are when you come in from a call.
Sorry that your spouse is going through this; wish I could be of more help.
I can honestly say that I detest the waiting until he gets home from a call, although now it is more because I was unable to turn out for it myself.
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Permalink Reply by Dennis Brown on
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Well when i first started in the department my wife would go to all the calls with me and if was a cold night out she would run and get coffee for the guys over the years she stay home but had the scanner on her side of the bed so i would have to lean over her to turn off when it was a night run i ask her why she must have on her side of bed she said so i would touch her befor i left
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Permalink Reply by Beverly on
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I can see this issue from all sides....When my husband I started dating he was on a neighboring FD, I was on the ambulance and it helped us understand when the tones went off in the middle of the night or the day I put out Easter dinner 4 times (brush fire season), how we could eat dinner in 30 seconds, standing up (which most people just don't get) or how we can watch TV and still be able to tell you every word that the dispatcher said. Then came the 2 kids and I stood down until the youngest was about 2 then I joined the FD. While I wasn't responding I knew all the dangers and would live in scanner land until they were relieved. The day my husband was in a flashover was the worst, I was pregnant with our son, I heard it through the scanner, knew he was interior on mutual to another department and could only hear the chief yelling that it flashed, what's the ETA on the ambulance; fortunately everyone was fine but that was truly one time I was frightened. Now we spend lots of time at the house, the kids know all the equipment, where it belongs and how to use it. Our son will be 8 this week and knows he's halfway there to be able to join the dept. Will I feel different when he goes out the door? You bet, he's my son and I' m responsible for him. But I will have to trust as I trust now when my husband goes and he trusts when I go, that our training will help to keep us safe. We all know that things can happen but you cannot live your life in fear...it'll give you ulcers and a heart attack! Train for the worst, prepare for a disaster, pray for the best and let God do the rest.
That said, take your wife to a drill, let her be comfortable with the "family" and at the house. Teach her what the equipment is for and how it protects you. Will you ever make her happy to hear the tones, probably not, but if she is more educated as to what happens and why it may help her. Also, make sure that you have taken care of any "things" (will, passwords, etc) that she will need in case something does happen, make sure she has a support system, Don't take for granted that she knows these things.
Good Luck and stay safe.
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Permalink Reply by BillySFCVFD on
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My wife was concerned when the pager went off. It was just her and I, our kids are grown and out on their own. I asked her to join, she said yes, so we go on calls together. Is that romantic or what? TCSS
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Permalink Reply by Butch McCurdy on
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My wife joined the department and now she goes with me.
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