Now what would you have said if I was telling him - a man - about what a man needs ??? (maybe tomorrow ;-)

It is SCARY to be a firefighter's wife !!!

Security IS NOT always about money - often it is about a plan and reassurance and comfort that we are in it together no matter what...

and you know we women can be crazy - at times... ok... lots of times... take it up with God - she made us !!! We women overwhelm easily - and you men tell us women that you do not understand us and what we need and to better spell it out !!!

my comments would have been dramatically different if I were talking to the wife - I agree a million % that all parties need to work on it - but if someone does not have that luxury - they need to do what they can with what they have available to them.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST RESOURCE FOR CHANGE !!!

merely changing your pattern of communication or your pattern of fighting can dramatically change your relationship...

such as if you normally walk away, then stay and fight it out... if you normally stay and fight it out, then start walking away... if you normally yell try writing all your responses or whispering... you see the pattern - when one side of the interaction changes - the other side has to adapt to the change in some fashion

I have a couple of friends who are so desperate to save their marriages that they agreed to only fight naked - so whenever they start fighting - they immediately start taking off their clothes - since it changes the tone of the fight when people are naked.

My other friends get so hostile and yell at each other so much - that in order to try to save their marriage - they now only text their fights - so they can edit their words - not raise their voices at each other - the kids don't see as much of the fighting - and they text a truce point - and then go back to clean/pleasant face-to-face communication as though the text fight did not even happen. They are much happier...

Just curious....You said that she sees you as being the problem. Why? You don't have to tell me but I would find that out if you don't know already and work from there. Also maybe try a short term separation for awhile to maybe let things cool off and thought processes about what life would be like without eachother take place? Sometimes cold hard reality helps to motivate a change in feelings. Relationships are a two way street though, a woman needs to take care of her man too and not expect to be the center of attention all the time. Crap, did I say that? ;) Men need appreciation, respect and love too.

I am sorry to hear about your marriage. I hope your wife changes her mind and you are able to work things out. I am not a paid firefighter I am a volunteer firefighter. I have 2 kids and I am going through a divorce now. My kids are older but I am hoping they are not suffering with me being a fulltime worker and a volunteer firefighter. I try and make time for my girls. If you ever need someone to talk to I will be your friend and listen.