Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cassie on August 13, 2009 at 2:43am

You'll be in my prayers.

And I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I know it's what we do, it's a great cause, but that doesn't make it any easier. Have you talked about it to someone? Sometimes sharing your burden with a friend can lighten the load... at least, that's true for me.

Stay safe.

Permalink Reply by Old Fireguy on August 13, 2009 at 12:24pm

Toni,

You are not alone in this. That call happens to us all eventually. The specifics are different for each individual but the results are the same, stabbing, wrenching pain deep in the soul. My partner never got over his and is no longer an EMT and is pretty much out of the fire service as a result. Mine was a 17 year old girl who died in my hands.

This is like a deep wound, it needs to be opened up and cleaned out. And it WILL leave a scar. My partner never talked about his case and as a result was never able to heal. There are people around you who may not talk about it but have had similar experiences. They can help. Your Chief and Station Officers should be trained and able to help.

Out here, we have a team specifically to deal with these issues, called the Mayflower Team. They practice what is called a "Critical Incident Stress Debrief," a technique developed before PTSD was a coined term. There has been some controversy over the technique, but the Mayflower Team is still operating and has had some significant successes. The common thread in their success stories is getting the victims (you) to open up and talk about the experience and its effect on them (recurring visual or auditory memories, loss of appetite, short temper, etc.). These are things that my partner was never able to do, for whatever reason, and lost his career as a result.

One of the keys to success is to be able to talk to someone who has “been there.” I don’t especially know why, but this seems to be a critical element. When we hire vets that are PTSD, we make an effort to pair them with other recent vets for that very reason. It doesn’t have to necessarily be someone from your agency, but another first responder (fire, ems, even law enforcement or emergency room staff) seems to be the best sounding board for us.

The second part to success is that you need to be willing to talk about it. Our culture is not traditionally supportive of these types of conversations, but we are getting better at it.

Toni, I will pray that you find healing and comfort. We need people like you.

Permalink Reply by Toni Conn on August 13, 2009 at 7:06pm

Thanks for your support. We also have CISD here and they were called in and it did help. I feel I still need to talk more about it. I still have it playing in my head like a slide show, I close my eyes he is there and when I open my eyes he is their it tears at my soul with the deepest wound ever this baby should have never been near a pool to have his young life taken from him. I will continue to find people to talk to. Thanks again.

Permalink Reply by Old Fireguy on August 18, 2009 at 10:27am

Toni, How are you doing? Remember that there is beauty in every day and it is a gift. Look for it and be thankful for it. These gifts will help you past your difficulties. I'll continue praying for your healing.