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i need someone to talk to.......i kindaa takin it hard over a death in a wreck....
Can anyone help me....? i mean it didnt bother me when i was on scene...butt now since im homee its botherin mee ...i cant seem to sleep...can anyone give m advicee
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joe on
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any deaath on a call is upsetting, you should have a debriefing with the other guys on your crew who responded .its always hard seeing death and injury. we think we are the bravst and strong but truth we are just normal people and it does get to you. do you have anyone in your dept. that you can contact right away or do u have a dept. chaplin when i had hard time dealing i would always call on my dept. chaplin. wish u the best and sooner u get what is off ur chest and u will find closure. be safe...
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Permalink Reply by Scott on
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Hey Cody,
I know you've had a lot of replies, but I can't stress enough the need to talk to someone - and that someone really should be a professional. Someone trained in Critical Stress or Mental Health intervention. There are probably local crisis numbers to call - these are not for "crazy" people, they are an excellent resource for your local agencies with people trained to help you get through this.
Unfortunately it will always be part of the job, that doesn't mean that it won't affect you and it doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to someone about it.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel J Lasnick on
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Cody, I've been at this along time and have my share of death over the past 25 years. I'd like to say it gets easier over time but there are always ones that will stick with your entire life. I've learned that it helps to talk to someone you know and trust. Perhaps a fellow firefighter, your chief, your priest. If you do not feel comfortable going to any of these then perhaps a grief counsler should be your next step. Suggest to your chief that he bring in a CISM team to your dept. there may be others that are feeling same as you and it helps to talk with others that were at the scene and are possibly ging through the same things you are. I hope this helps you and gives you a little more information.
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Permalink Reply by Beverly on
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Hey Cody, sorry you had such a rough experience. First of all let me say that ALL of us have had or will have that experience, too bad you had to have it so young. There are several avenues you can pursue. First go to CISD ( Critical Incident Stress Debriefing) at your dept., if they don't do CISD see if any of the other responding agencies are having one and go to that one. If no one is doing CISD, then talk to some of the members of your dept. that were there, you may find out you are not the only one having this experience. On my soapbox for a second...ALL fatalities and serious trauma should have a CISD session. If none of that is available or helps go see your clergy person, I know we have to be careful about " privacy rights" but he or she answers to a higher authority and can keep your confidentiality. Clergy are trained in grief and death counseling and may be able to give you a different perspective.
Also, stop second guessing yourself!!! How do I know you are doing that? Because I've done it myself. We do the very best we can, we do a job that most people wouldn't or couldn't do, we would love to save the world but that just isn't possible.
Another thing that may help is to do something that is very physically demanding, your body will release endorphines that will help you relax afterward.
Keep talking about it. Don't let anyone tell you to "suck it up", they have no idea what they are talking about or have never experienced it.
If you need to talk more just let me know.
Good Luck
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Permalink Reply by 144Truck on
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Hey Bro'..... First..... Tell your Chief, or if you cannot get him or her, another Officer that you are having a hard time with "that" call.... That is why we have access to CISD. Talk to the folks at the station, especially those who were on "that" call. I have had my share of "those" calls after more decades than I care to mention (Including one this past July) and it is extremely important to get whatever help you need to get through....
DO NOT let folks tell you to suck it up because that's the way it is.... We've lost a lot of good firefighters because of "those" calls and left some other folks damaged goods due to PTSD..... What you are having is a normal reaction to witnessing a particularly traumatic situation. When the bad stuff doesn't bother us, it is time to stop doing what we do. We would not be humans if these things did not affect us.
I have been quite fortunate in that while I can remember the bad calls, I still eagerly do my job......
I have sometimes explained it to folks that we accumulate demons as we witness the pain and suffering of those we have chosen to help... Once we take on those demons we can never really vanquish them because they are now a part of our own psyche.... But we CAN make peace with them. That's why you need to seek the help of CISD as well as that of the brothers and sisters...
Been there, done that..... Talk to someone who understands.......
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Permalink Reply by Jose L. Gonzalez on
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hey, i had a situation on the private ems that I work for...u know "normal" transport from hospital discharge to nursing home...NSE, they said (no special equipment). well we have to take BP before enroute...come to find out she was very irregular. next i got her on the monitor and boy was she throwing PVCs... this goes to show that nothing is ever gonna turn out the way U'd expect it. when i first got into the fire dept as a rookie paramedic, i encountered my first SIDS pt. there was nothing we could do, but I have kids and it hit home... Thank goodness we have CISM in place; our ems supervisor set up a session with a member of the team to talk about it. Look to experienced personnel for this...
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Permalink Reply by Robert Venable on
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Cody,
At our statation whenever anything like this happens we go thru "Critical Stress Debreifing" immediately after the incident.Everyone Involved gets together and discusses the incident to help confirm that everyone did the right things and to the best of their abilities.That makes a good starting place to take that worry away.Then we talk to counselors, if necessary,individually.And you have to understand also that you didn't cause this to happen.It was caused by the accident.We can't do Gods work we can only do what he gave us the ability to do.The rest is up to him.
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Permalink Reply by Jdeangelis2452 on
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I can say the best thing to do is talk about it. WHen ever something bad happens alot of the time you will see people acting like its not a big deal and they act tough. WEll most of the time it hurts all of us. The best thing you can do is when you get back to the FH talk to the guys about what happend or even if its just bullsh*ting with eachother. I remeber we had this fatal and I saw one of our new guys really bothered by it and I sat down and told him if he has any problems let me know. There are so many teams out there to help you! Talk to your fire chief. Just know its normal what your going thru, and know if you ever see a dead child that never gets easier just got to learn its apart of the job. Good luck man
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Permalink Reply by Brad on
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Talk to other guys in your department. Or talk to a debreifing group or if who ever it is in your department if its paid. If not like i said just the other guys. Thats how I have done it in the past with a multi fatality house fire and a multi fatality car wreck that everyone knew one person in the car and everyone knew the people in the house fire. If not give me a shout and i'll listen if you need to talk.
brad
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Permalink Reply by FIRE BEAR on
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GO TALK TO A REAL GOOD FRIEND THAT WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IVE BEEN WHERE YOUR FEELINGS ARE AND ITS RUFF TALK IT OVER WITH YOUR FRIEND
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Permalink Reply by Matt Hanna on
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Cody definatly go see some one from the CISDT they are the best people to chat with. I had my first fatal just about this time last year,it took me nearly 20 plus year to have my first fatal.I just asked some of my more senior members on how they delt with having their firsts.
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Permalink Reply by Chris Hayden on
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Those tears are part of what makes us good at what we do.
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