Uncovered this helpful guideline that I hadn't seen in a while. Figured this is an appropriate place to post it:

Symptom >>> Cause >>> Corrective Action

Feet cold and wet >>> Glass being held at incorrect angle >>> Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

Beer unusually pale and tasteless >>> a) Glass empty or b) You're holding a Coors Lite >>> Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights >>> You have fallen over backward >>> Leash self to bar

Floor blurred >>> You are looking through bottom of empty glass >>> Get someone to buy you another beer

Floor moving >>> You are being carried out >>> Find out if you are being taken to another bar

Everyone looks up at you and smiles >>> You are dancing on the table >>> Fall on somone cushy looking

Beer is crystal clear >>> It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up >>> Punch him

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in >>> You have wandered into wrong party >>> See if they have free beer