Ok...I am not sure if this discussion has taken place before or not. If so my apologies. But, I was wondering if anyone else has had or currently in a situation where their spouse or Girl Friend/Boy Friend or what ever is not supportive of you being in the Fire Service. If so how are you or how did you handle it.
I'm married and I didn't have to sell her, convince her, beg her, cajole her, prod her or threaten her when I decided to join a volunteer fire department.
In fact, she helped with fundraisers.
And on those nights when we would have a late night call followed by a late night beer, she would leave the door unlocked for me.
I guess I can't relate to those who say it has caused them problems up to and including breaking up and divorcing.
Personally, I think my wife digs me for my motorcycle. Wait; we spent "OUR" money for that.
Anyway, I came off too strong, eh?
Maybe just a tad there Brother.....LOL....I am very lucky also....My family is very supportive...it was sealed the day my then 5 year old told me how proud she was that her Daddy is a Fireman.....I have never looked back....and not once have I heard a comment about leaving a function to go to a call...day or night....Stay safe and always remember to Keep the Faith.....Paul
my wife is supporitive but she doesn't like what i do,but i tell to get over it. i did it before her an i will do it after if it comes down to it.She doesn't agree with me running calls when i don't get paid for it. but she will probably never understand that part of it.
Ive lost almost every girlfriend ive had to the fire dept. I tell them right off the bat the fire dept is a huge part of my life I was a ff when I met you and that wont change. I dont have the ancer to your question but I do know it is ruff on a relationship!
I understand that you are looking for responses that have to do with UN-supportive spouses. But I feel the need to say this: I think I have one of the most supportive "better halves" that could be asked for. She knows exactly what I do. If at a fancy dinner, she'll grab my coat while i put my shoes on. If I'm on the way home and the tone goes, I make a quick call and she says supper will be in the fridge for when I get home. If it goes off while we are sleeping. She simply says...and I quote, "be careful, I love you". The only thing she does NOT support is that there are not enough incentives to bring in new members for volunteering. She's great.
If there are difficulties, it just has to be discussed between you and hopefully come to an understanding on both sides. If it is going to cause so much tension,..then...is it right?
You didn't come off too strong, Art. As usual you nailed it right on the head.
My first marriage could be described in your words but I won't dwell on that. I sometimes wonder how I stayed in the volunteer service through it all. The lack of support was very demoralizing at times.
My "real" wife and I met through the fire service. She's been in for longer than I have so needless to say she is a staunch supporter of my activities.
At the same time, though, I give family top priority when needed. Fires, crashes, smells and bells will keep happening; school functions, graduations, birthdays, and such are often once-in-a-lifetime events for the kids so you need to be there for them.
At first my other half wasn't that supportive. Guess cause that was due to me running out of the house at all odd hours of the week. She has no interest in joining which I can understand. I've been at it for 17 years, and in that time we've learned to work things out. I go to the station on certain days for a shift, but I don't spend my entire weekend there. She tries to understand why I do it but I don't think she will totally understand.
Having TWO relationships can work. You can have the fire department and a partner without having to choose one or the other.
Both are important to you. Treat them as such.
When one or the other feels neglected, they feel that way because you have given one more than the other.
Then, they will force you to choose and that's when things can turn ugly.
When it's over; one of you will feel resentment and bitterness.
Which one of you will it be?
I know what I'd do to keep my perky, positive outlook on Life.
Put the moving company on speed dial.
You'll feel better just knowing that help is just a phone call away.
I think that my better half is in the same boat as yours is Bill. She respects it, but doesn't always understand it. We have talked about it and we try to work out a good balance between home life and the FD. I dont think it is so much the call volume as it is the extra stuff at the FD. Ya know what I mean. Fundraisers, out of town parades and things like that. But, I do appericate everyone's input. Divorce is not an option here. But, I will suggest the Book "To Love a Firfighter"