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what have i done?
Since yesterday when we were told the news i have been asking myself what have i done to deserve whats going on. i must have done something very wrong for this to happen, but far as i know i have done everythign ever asked of me if not more. i don't blame anyone but myself, i just want to know what i have done to be in this predicament. personally i would like to crawl in a hole and hide away in the dark and not come out, but i can't do that i have 2 lil boys here who need me so i will continue to put on a smile even though my heart is tearing in peices and i can't stop crying. hell i don't even know how to explain this to them.
here's what happened so u all know whats going on:
yesterday we went to the doctors for an ultrasound. we knew that sometime this week i was going to have another amnio reduction done again so that was no big. come to find out he wanted me to have it done yesterday, then when he came to our room he finally told us why he wanted it done then instead of waiting until thursday.........the small baby (mikayla)'s blood flow to through the umbilical cord was very abnormal and things weren't looking very good, so he said he was going to go ahead and do the reduction then watch me over night b/c he said that reducing the fluid again could help with the bloodflow. but he did warn us that she doesn't look very good b/c she is developing at 5 weeks behind Zoey and they will be monitoring Mikayla.. they don't think she will make it actually they said she will more than likely pass away, but i know my girls they are fighters. anyhoo they did the ultrasound this morning and the fluid looked good, but now its a day by day process for lil Miki. to us she looked really good, and i will keep praying as hard as i ever have been, but i have a real strong feeling my dream will come true and i don't want that to happen. i am trying to be strong, but i don't know for how much longer, i am physically and emotionally tired and even though i know mentally i can run a marathon but even that will wear down too sometime. i thank everyone who has stood by us through this ordeal, and i love you all and don't know how to repay u, but i will somehow. anyway i'm going to go back and lay down i'm really tired. night.
here's what happened so u all know whats going on:
yesterday we went to the doctors for an ultrasound. we knew that sometime this week i was going to have another amnio reduction done again so that was no big. come to find out he wanted me to have it done yesterday, then when he came to our room he finally told us why he wanted it done then instead of waiting until thursday.........the small baby (mikayla)'s blood flow to through the umbilical cord was very abnormal and things weren't looking very good, so he said he was going to go ahead and do the reduction then watch me over night b/c he said that reducing the fluid again could help with the bloodflow. but he did warn us that she doesn't look very good b/c she is developing at 5 weeks behind Zoey and they will be monitoring Mikayla.. they don't think she will make it actually they said she will more than likely pass away, but i know my girls they are fighters. anyhoo they did the ultrasound this morning and the fluid looked good, but now its a day by day process for lil Miki. to us she looked really good, and i will keep praying as hard as i ever have been, but i have a real strong feeling my dream will come true and i don't want that to happen. i am trying to be strong, but i don't know for how much longer, i am physically and emotionally tired and even though i know mentally i can run a marathon but even that will wear down too sometime. i thank everyone who has stood by us through this ordeal, and i love you all and don't know how to repay u, but i will somehow. anyway i'm going to go back and lay down i'm really tired. night.
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Comment by Marie on May 1, 2008 at 12:53am
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I am so sorry to hear of your troubles and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your unborn wee-uns. Just to let you know, miracles do happen.... all of the doctors said there was no way I would make it when I was a 26 weeker weighing less than 3lbs, but i'm here today live and well 22yrs later giving everyone a run for their money :)
please keep us up to date, I really really hope good news is to follow
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Comment by lutan1 on April 29, 2008 at 8:31pm
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Trish, we had a few scares with both of our precious girls at various stages throughout the pregnany and in recent times- all is good now, thankfully.
Be strong- no matter what happens you've got a family to look out for and care for. Be strong for them, and they'll be there for you.
Some food for thought by Craig S. Tunks-
One of the greatest gifts
That life can give to anyone
Is the very special love that families share...
As years go by,
It's good to know that there will always be
Certain people in our lives who care.
For there are countless things
That only families have in common
And memories that no one else can make...
And these precious ties that bind a family together
Are bonds that time and distance cannot break.
How fortunate we are
When we have relatives to love us,
It makes the world a happy place to be...
Few gifts in life
Will last as long
Or touch the heart as deeply
As the very special gift
Of family.
Be strong- you've done nothing wrong.....
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Comment by Pompy on April 29, 2008 at 8:16pm
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Trish,you and your family will be in my families prayers.we will be here for you and jimmy because we love you guys.
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Comment by Devil Doc on April 29, 2008 at 8:04pm
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Trish, We love you and Jimmy and will be here for you always. You, Jimmy and the girls will be in my prayers. I love you guys!
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